yeah, what happens now?
He runs off, no matter how many times I find him and drag his ass back. He will find a way out, because he doesn't want to stay here, and there is nothing we can do about it.
I wish, somebody would knock some sense into that kid's brain. I wish, he would have just stayed here and saved me from the guilt I'm experiencing because of abandoning my brother like that and giving up on him.
But I can't blame myself for it. Nobody has the right to blame me for this, because I tried. I tried to bring him back, I tried to talk him out of it, but he's just so fucking stubborn.
I'm not guilty.
I'm not guilty, yet I've been sitting on this couch for five hours, and I haven't gotten up once. I sat on this couch, chugged 4 cans of beer, 8 shots and 2 glasses of wine.
And I thought I could be trusted again with alcohol, turns out I'm still the same addict who drinks because he thinks it's the only way out.
I'm still the alcoholic man who is blamed for everything, and takes his anger out on alcohol because that's the only escape ever. Or maybe the other ways out are just harder than this.
It's the simplest choice, and it's the best choice. It's my only hope. It's the only thing that can make me forget.
Happiness is not enough, you must forget. It's still somehow in your mind even if you're so happy, even when you think you've completely forgotten about it, it's there.
It's somewhere there, and haunts you when you least expect or want it to. It will never leave you alone, it's only goal is to make you miserable and guilty.
And you can never call out for help. It never works out, because you pass our guilt onto somebody innocent, and it makes you feel worse. The guilt of blaming somebody else or making them consider it will scar you until the day you die, until you're six feet underground.
And the worst part is, the only person who can help you, would make you feel more guilt than ever, because you would never want that person to feel guilty or get involved in some shit like this.
You never want anybody else in the world to experience what you are experiencing, because you know how much it hurts.
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A Match Made in Hell
FanfictionCOMPLETED nick has spent his entire life fighting, never even getting to live his childhood and leaving his family at the age of 14. There's a gorgeous boy, Karl, at a party that nick can't get his eyes off of. They soon become good friends when one...
