stay, Inez ~ xavier thorpe

falling apart

Xavier

Her deep brown eyes are all I can think of.
Why does she have to be so protective of Wednesday?

She doesn't mean it. She's just upset. I have to tell myself to keep my sanity.
She was my everything. She was the sun and the moon and all the stars in the whole universe.

I could never love anyone like I love her.
I've loved her since the day I met her.
I loved her even before that.
I have loved her since the day I was born.
I was born to meet Inez. To be a part of her life, even if it was only for a few months.
For me, our love was bigger than just a high school relationship.
It was more than just that.
At least it was for me.
It was bigger than the whole sky and all of its contents.

I have to fight the urge to turn back and run after her.
I kept looking back, checking if she was looking, but she never was.
When I had finally built up the courage to chase her, she had already disappeared into the trees.

This fight wasn't like our others.
I could barely even call this a fight.
This felt like I had been stabbed in the heart thousands of times.
My heart ached for her.
Just being in the same room as Inez was healing in of itself.
I pity every person on the planet who hasn't known Inez Fallon.
I was lucky.
I was one of the few thousands in 8 billion people to cross paths with her.
Let alone get to know her romantically.

I have so many regrets. I could have dialed down my protectiveness. I shouldn't have stopped her. I should have just gone with her instead.
Because of my stupidity, I just lost the one person in the whole world that ever filled the void in my heart.

The worst part about our fight was the way she spoke to me.
She wasn't angry in any way. Her voice was soothing as always, while delivering some of the most heart stopping words that ever pierced my ears.
She loves me. Those were the only words I never thought I would be upset to hear from her mouth.
Her loving me was a different type of love.
I feel like an open wound, one that will never heal.
Saying goodbye to her is unimaginable. Unbearable.
Her love is beautiful like her, worth celebrating if you are ever blessed with a glimpse of it.

I have to build up strength to text Ajax.
It's hard to do anything when all I want is her.

Ajax agrees to meet up in my dorm, which doesn't excite me like normal.
Once I reach my dorm, I just stare at the wall. The same wall Inez once rested her head against.
I turn to look away, not wanting the reminder of my breaking heart.
Looking to my desk, I remember her resting her head on my shoulder, watching me draw on the same wooden desk only months ago.
Looking to my bed, I remember the times we spent watching movies together and throwing popcorn at Rowan as he slept.
Everything reminds me of her.
Even the pencils in my backpack are a reminder of her.

Shutting my eyes, I wait for Ajax to arrive.

"Hey. You okay?" He says, slowly creaking my door open.

"Inez and I. We're done. For good this time."
I feel like I'm giving up on us right now.
Saying the words out loud makes me feel like I'm betraying myself, everything only becoming real at this moment.

"I'm sorry Xav." He pats my back trying to comfort me.

Ajax was my best friend. Other than Inez. But I guess now I can't call her that anymore.

We didn't have a Nightshades meeting tonight, so I went down to the library to try to find out about the monster.
I had already looked through every page of every book in the library in hopes to find more about the monster, for Inez's sake.
Since then, it had just became a habit to recheck everything. Maybe I missed a book?