His Sunflower

40

'She buried her face into his shoulder and stayed there for the longest time. She held on tight hoping he could feel just how much she needed him.'

It had been a couple of days and Luca was finally allowed to go back home. He wanted to go home days ago but the doctor and his mother insisted that he gets a few days rest with the doctors around before going back home.

Sofia had realised that I wasn't waiting for her in my room when I asked her to get me some water, and found out from the nurse that I went to see her brother so she had told the rest of her family who were waiting patiently in the waiting room.

He strangely didn't want to let go of me so when the doctor walked in to check up on him, he found Luca's arms wrapped tightly around my waist, refusing to let me go. Even after I turned bright red in embarrassment, he just laughed and held me tighter.

It got even worse when he found out that I told the nurse I was his girlfriend. I didn't think someone could blush that much until I called him out for his tattoo.

Eventually we managed to convince him to let the hospital staff to get another bed put into the room. Obviously Luca made sure they were squished together so if you didn't know it was two beds pushed together, you'd assume it was just one giant one.

Luca's mother had baked several batches of sugar cookies for him to eat whilst he recovered and for me because she knows I love them.

After reassuring his mother that he wouldn't do any work for a few weeks and promising to call her every day, she let us go back. She gave me a worried glance as we left and I quickly told her that I would look after him.

It was finally my turn to try and pay him back for all the help hes given me, not that I could ever repay him.

He got a driver to take us back to his house and we slowly got out of the car. It took us a bit longer to walk up the driveway but I was glad that Luca was listening to the doctors and trying to take it easy for the next few weeks.

Every time he looked at me, I would turn into a blushing mess and he would give me an amused smirk.

I still didn't know how I had the courage to kiss him out if nowhere but I'm so glad that I did. The fear in me of finally doing what I wanted for once, overshadowed the part of my brain which was telling me not to do it. And I was so glad that I listened to my heart.

It was perfect.

It was electrifying and warm at the same time. Full of emotions yet so simple. It felt like I had finally done something for myself and it felt amazing.

But then the self-doubt kicked in.

What if he only kissed me because he felt sorry for me?

What if he was just being nice to me so my feelings wouldn't get hurt?

What if he kissed me and realised that I wasn't the person he wanted?

What if when he finds out details about my past, he doesn't want me anymore?

My thoughts began to spiral and I felt as if I was going to throw up. I could feel my vision blurring with tears and I knew that I needed to get away.

"E-Excuse me", I whispered to him, before running up the stairs and into my room, shutting the door behind me.

I sank down onto the floor with my back against the wall and began to cry.

I put my fist against my mouth to silence myself as hot tears ran down my face. I could feel the familiar burning in my eyes and the tears were coming too fast for me to wipe them away.

I was being so inconsiderate, leaving him whilst he was hurt but I couldn't have him worrying about me going into a panic attack whilst he was the one who needed taking care of.

"Liliana, baby", I heard him whisper from behind the door.

I didn't have it in me to pretend I was ok.

I wasn't ok.

I needed to tell him why I am like this. Why I'm not normal. Why I can't be the person who he deserves. He has the right to know and I'm tired of keeping it bottled up.

I can't do it anymore.

"Stai bene?", he whispered from behind the door. It was so silent that even whispering, I could hear his voice loud and clear.

Instead of choosing to reply, I stood up and slowly opened the door. As soon as our eyes locked, he wrapped his arms around me and thats all it took for me to crumble into his arms.

"You're hurt", I said quietly, selfishly not wanting to move out of his arms.

"Mi fa male vederti piangere (I'm hurt seeing you like this)", he said, refusing to let me go, not that I wanted to leave.

My tears were soaking his shirt but I knew that it was too late for me to stop. I wrapped my arms around him and buried my head in his chest, wishing all of my pain would just wash away.

"Whats made you so upset, my sunflower?", he whispered, moving us to the bed so we can sit down comfortably.

I needed to tell him the truth.

I needed to let him in and make myself vulnerable to him leaving when he finds out.

He wouldn't want me.

Someone whos been used. Someone who was too weak to fight them away. Someone who couldnt show him the affection he deserves to be shown. My secrets would make him leave.

"I-If I told y-you my secrets, you'd never l-look at me the s-same", I whispered, not looking him in the eye.

Before he could respond, I spoke again. "I n-need to tell y-you about my past."