Filing Cabinet [SCP Foundation x reader (kinda?)]

Part 3: I Am NOT A Toaster!

It had been quite a bit of time.

'Overly dramatic, it's only been 3 days.'

'You suck, let me be a melodramatic idiot.'

'Whatever you say, drama queen.'

*----------

"Greetings Subject (Toast/Other)! How are you-" Dr. Rose starts to greet us, but we interrupt.

"We've been over this, just call me (Y/N) please." I cross my arms over my chest, lying down on the, actually pretty comfortable, bed in the cell.

"Right, sorry. Well, how have you been, (Y/N) and company?" Dr. Rose corrects herself, smiling warmly at us. After the examination with Dr. Glass the personnel realized we, indeed, were human. And that also means we were rightfully pissed off at being kidnapped, and so our behavior that first meeting has been mostly dismissed. Ah, and as for the 'and company'? It's a little inside joke the researchers and I came up with after we called ourselves 'we'.

It's funny to us, and that's what matters. "Been pretty good. I'm pretty happy that you're not serving us prison food, so that's an upside to this whole 'contained' fiasco."

"Well I'm glad to hear that!" Dr. Rose says with a wide smile, and we smile back. She then says, "You are going to undergo a cross-test today, isn't that great? Haha...we don't trust you with wandering privileges yet, sorry."

What? Damn, so they do let other anomalies meet and greet. Sweet. "Cool! Can I know what it is? Or is it 'a surprise'?"

"Well, it's just an interesting little test with a non-sentient object. If all goes well, you'll be perfectly safe. If not, we'll give you a Class C Amnestic, but that's only if it gets real bad." Dr. Rose says smoothly, but the amnestic part is getting you a bit nervous. What kinda fucky ass object are you interacting with? Not something you want to see.

Eh, it'll be okay. We're thinking it's definitely a memetic hazard, hence the amnestic bit of the equation. But we all know that amnestics don't really do shit, so maybe our mind is a little too fucked up for a memetic hazard to work.

...I wonder how the filing cabinet would react to a memetic hazard. As far as we're concerned, we've never seen one. But back to the present, Dr. Rose holds her radio up to her ear as a voice says, "We've gotten the file ready. Please exit Subject (Toast/IDK)'s containment unit so that we can commence the test."

Dr. Rose walks out, flashing us a confident thumbs up as she does so. We nod at her, but we take notice to the cameras being tampered with.

Right, memetic hazard. Definitely.

After a while, a small picture is slid underneath the doors. At this point, the cameras have been completely turned off, just in case we decide to show off the photo to the researchers. Which we wouldn't! That would be mean.

Well, there is automatically quite a few pictures taken of the image...of a toaster? That's odd. The toaster has caused us to take multiple different images of it in three seconds. A small frown forms on our face. Then? Subcon jumps and reaches into the 'Recents' while shouting, 'OH MY GOD THE PICTURE IS SPEAKING TO US!'

You freeze up before shouting to the researchers: "THE TOASTER IS SPEAKING TO US WHAT DO WE DO?!"

We can feel the tense silence behind the two-way mirror. And then? Subcon summons a little audio player in our hands, and I play it. It's a playback of what you said, but...different? Using first person in place of the toaster? Is that seriously the memetic hazard? Well, anyway, the audio recording is played back, and it says: "I AM SPEAKING TO US WHAT DO WE DO?!"

"What? That's weird. You never spoke in first person. I never spoke in first person. Was this made out of necessity? Is the filing cabinet screwing with us- shit." We start speaking out loud before dropping the audio player and picture on the ground, slapping our hands over our mouth. Our mind races as we think, 'STUPID STUPID STUPID THIS IS WHY THOUGHTS STAY INSIDE THE BRAIN AND NOT OUT!!!'

'Wait, was the report we gave to her informing her about the filing cabinet?'

'...oh, yeah it was. Never mind. We looked stupid for nothing, I guess.'

We can practically hear the researchers writing stuff down as we put the audio recording away and stare at the image again. I don't really know what they want us to do, and since they haven't said 'stop doing that' I guess we'll try to humor them. We analyze the photo for a moment before relaying, "The image is of a toaster. It's...uh...it's a pretty cool looking toaster, I guess? I don't really know what you want us to do, guys. It's just a toaster, what could it possibly do that requires a Class C Amnestic if something goes wrong???"

Again, an audio recording pops up. Both recordings were straight up named 'Toaster', so I pull this one out too. I hit play, and it's our speech again, except modified with first person pronouns in place of the toaster...again. "The image is of me. I look pretty cool, I guess? I don't really know what you want us to do, guys. It's just me, what could I prossibly do that requires a Class C Amnestic if something goes wrong???"

A long, deafening pause burns through our ears. I think the scientists are in stunned silence. Just before we can make more comments on this stupid toaster, the speaker comes on. "Subject (Toast/IDK), the test is complete. Please put the image face down on the table and wait patiently for the guards to remove the picture from the premises."

We flash the two-way mirror a thumbs up before placing the photograph face down on the table and laying down on our bed. As the security members come in we start playing 'Coconut Mall - Mario Kart Wii'.

There's a specific guard that grins at us, but the others nudge him and he carefully puts the image face down into a small suitcase, locking said suitcase and waving before leaving with his fellows. We like this man. He is now on the 'Protect at all costs' list, which also has 'Shotgun researcher' (anonymous because we don't know his name, but we know his voice), 'Dr. Simon Glass', and much more recently added 'Dr. Rose'.

After a few minutes, probably around ten, Dr. Rose actually returns to our containment cell with a surprised and delighted expression. I guess we did something right? Or we probably gave them more to research...that's probably it.

"Well well well, aren't you just an interesting fellow?" Dr. Rose says, looking down at the clearly freshly printed sheet of paper in her hands. She seems impressed, excited, and a little confused. That's just the average reaction to anything we do at this point, though. "Seems your mind reacts oddly to infohazards and the like. I think we're going to keep you a while longer..."

*----------

Wassup guys! Here it is! Let's go...and have a great day/night/whenever!!!

Word count: 1159.