Redemtion

Forbidden

You cleared the table with some help from BD while Greez and Cere got settled in the cockpit to take off. Cal sorted some details about the next destination with Greez before turning away from the cockpit to head down to his room, you assumed.

You watched as he hurridly rushed past you, tension all throughout his body, both physically and mentally. You could feel he was battling with several emotions, too many for you to be able to pick one out specifically.

You glanced at BD-1, who whistled and buzzed in reassuring response.

Once the dishes were cleaned and put away, you debated on whether you should go to see if Cal was alright.

It frustrated you that you wanted to see Cal. You'd been thinking about him constantly, thinking about things you shouldn't.

No jedi should allow these feelings. It made you weak and vulnerable.

Why was it so strong? Your feelings for Cal.

You had been raised to neglect any desire for attachment. Why couldn't you?

How were you supposed to rebuild the jedi order if you couldn't even stay true to the jedi code?

After minutes of debating, you decided it couldn't hurt to see if Cal was alright. There was nothing wrong with checking up on your fellow crew-mate.

You made your way down the corridor to the end, where Cal's room was.

"Cal?" You asked, standing outside his doorway.

"Yes?" He asked.

"I came to see if you're alright."

"Oh."

You peeked in his room and saw he was adjusting something on his lightsaber at his work-table. His back was turned to you.

"Are you?" You asked.

"Yes." His voice sounded slightly irritable. He stopped doing what he was doing, but didn't turn to look at you.

You felt a little deflated. His bad mood bringing you down with him.

"Sorry for bothering you..." You muttered apologetically before turning to walk away.

"Y/n, wait."

You froze and turned back, trying to suppress your frown. He was facing you now.

"What is it?" You asked, your hurt audible in your words.

He seemed shocked to see your sad expression.

"I- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." He spoke, quickly coming towards you. 

Your heart involuntarily began to speed up and you felt imediately overcome by conflicting emotions. You were shocked to notice your eyes blurring, due to a build-up of tears wanting to escape, but you blinked them away before they could. 

"What's wrong?" He asked softly, setting his hands atop your shoulders.

His very touch sent chills throughout your body. And that's when you knew you had let your emotions drift too far.

You shrugged Cal's hands off and took a step back. He furrowed his brows at your behavior.

"Cal, my feelings have seized control of my body, and I don't know how to stop it. It's so... frustrating. I'm becoming weak because of my feelings for you. I've tried to block out my emotions, but I just can't. You're so distracting, and I can't stand it! I can't even think properly when I'm around you. Do you have any idea how that feels?" You ranted.

"Yes! Y/n, I know exactly how you feel. Because you do the very same to me." He replied, taking another step towards you, only for you to step back again.