FALLEN | rowan whitethorn x oc

CHAPTER TWENTY THREE - rowan wants to kill himself

She knew what she had to do, she found her task to be absolutely necessary in order for her to continue being with all of them in a comfortable, peaceful way.

So after Lorcan announced that he was going back to sleep and practically collapsed on his bedroll, Isabella sat down close to the ashes of the fire Gavriel had made and waited for Rowan to come back.

The smallest of signs in the sky were indication that dawn was approaching, and with it the beginning of an unavoidable new day. The stars were still visible, but had been reduced to barely shining dots, overshadowed by the sun and all it came with it.

Isabella had been deep in her thoughts when she noticed the sound of rustling leaves and incoming steps. Neither Fenrys or Rowan were speaking with each other, but as she gazed upon them, to the arm resting on Rowan's shoulder, to the curve in his mouth tilted upward despite him rolling his eyes, and Fenrys' overenthusiastic gestures, she realised that the kind of bond they shared did not need of words to be appreciated.

As soon as they took notice of her presence, they stopped in their tracks. She had imagined how Rowan would look at her after their kiss -with eyes wide and full of regret, mixed with uncomfortability- but the reality of him once again proved to be independent of her thoughts. Different. Better.

He flashed her a true smile, and made a quick movement with his head that she understood was a question. Should we go back deep into the woods? He seemed to say.

A liberating relief transformed her face and produced a smile in return to his, she nodded, and went to his side wordlessly.

"Right, you do you, act as if I'm not here. Ignore me all you like, it's not as if I were your friend too" Fenrys muttered, loud for all of them to hear, for he was dramatic like that.

Isabella laughed a little, but continued to follow Rowan back into the woods. He took a turn she was unaware of, and guided her to a different part of the forest. He stopped right as they reached a clearing, where a bunch of different flowers were slowly tilting upward toward the sun to fully bloom.

She stood in front of him, with her hands hidden behind her back, sweating and shaking. Embarrassed. Ashamed. But oh so full of hope and determination. She opened her mouth to speak, and quickly closed it as he opened his too.

"You first," He told him right at the same time that she said, "I think-"

Rowan shook his head, "Sorry, you can go first,"

Trying to avoid beating around the bush and ignoring the main and only reason why they had not yet taken a rest for the night, she complied. "I believe I owe you an apology" He frowned at her words, and opened his mouth to object, but she held up her hand, stopping him. "Listen to me first, please," He nodded, even as his frown deepened with guardedness.

She took a deep breath -as she gathered unimaginable courage- and carried on. "You deserve an apology because I know that if I had not kissed you, you would have never kissed me "

-

Rowan was not sure he knew where the conversation was going, but he knew that he already disliked the beginning of it. However, she had asked for him to listen, so he would. He would have time to tell her that she was wrong, so utterly and remarkably incorrect, because Rowan was aching to kiss her.

"-but because you are kind and thoughtful and such a good friend," Huh, Rowan was starting to hate that word. "And I took advantage of it because I was hurting and lost and so confused and-" What? She sighed, tugging and pulling at an invisible thread from her pants. He felt like it was his own heart. "I guess that what I'm trying to say is that I love you, Rowan"