in the a.m.

fragile

im always so hesitant to hug maggie.

like shes fragile.

like shes a 13 million dollar sculpture in a museum.

i want to hug her & show that i love her, but i can feel her tensing up when i do.

when i pull her closer in me, she tries to move away from me for a second, before realizing its me.

i just hugged her in the kitchen while she was cleaning the twins bottles and she jumped.

it mad me sad, i have no idea what her ex did to her but it obviously wasn't good.

i sat at the bar while maggie got the girls teething snacks ready to go in the frezer, "you okay?" i asked, she hasn't said anything since i tried to hug her and its making me worried.

she just quickly nodded her head.

"you're not baby." i said.

"no i am auston." she said, as i stood up.

"stay there. im fine." she said with such authority.

i stopped, "maggie im coming to help. can i come closer?"

she looked at me, tired eyes and on the verge of crying, she slowly nodded her head

i walked to her and hugged her.

"everythings okay maggie, i promise. i got you. whenever you're ready."

when i met maggie, i wasn't expecting a girl so much emotional baggage, i expected a girl like mitch: carefree & full of life.

but i've realized that maggies much different & im willing to go to the moon for her.

scratch that, pluto or another galaxy. id go far for her.

she caught me by surprise when she hugged me back.

"do you want to go take a shower?" i asked.

she showered this morning but i can tell she needs a shower where she just stands theres and lets her emotions out.

"will you hold me?"

"yeah babe." i said, standing still in the kitchen with her in my arms.

"no, will you hold me in the shower?"

"oh, if you're okay with that."

"i just want to be with you."

i hate road games with a passion now.

being away from my girls.

i was used to hating long road game trips because hotel beds aren't the best, but now i miss sleeping with maggie.

and i'll admit i miss the girls crying & throwing their food st meals.

"can i help you finish up here so we can shower?"

"yeah." she said, letting go of me and wiping her tears.

we fiished cleaning & making the teething snacks.

i followed her into the bathroom, "can we shower with the lights off?"

"absolutely."

we stripped of our clothes and i did my best to not eye her up & down and make her uncomfortable.

she stepped into the shower and i turned the light off, which made the night light turn on, before stepping in behind her.

i wrapped my arms around me, i could feel her relax in my arms.

"thank you auston!"

"i love you maggie."

"can you say that again?" she asked

"i love you maggie." i said, running my hand up and down her back.

she ran her nails up & down my back, "youre so good to me auston."

"because i love you."

"i would hug you more but you worry me when you jump or tense up, when i touch you. i just want you to know that im not going to hurt you, maggie." i opened up.

i felt her lips press against my chest.

"like i said youre too good for me. you always help with the girls and you force me to have some me time." she chuckled.

i placed my hands on her waist to pull her off me, to look her in the eyes, "and you deserve it all baby."

she laced her fingers through mine, "you like that word, dont you?"

"...i like you, dont i?"

"oh you do?" she asked

"more than youll ever know maggie marner!" i smiled

she smiled and looked up at me, "are you real?"

"100%!"

"im quite sad that i have to leave you again tomorrow," i said, placing my hand in her chin, pulling her bottom lips down with my thumb. "i hate being away from you. i think about one day us living together, and i get home from a game and i get to sneak into bed next to you, and pull you closer to me. winters are cold here."

"see too good for me."

"thats such a bad mindset maggie, when i cant get enough of you." i said, connecting our lips.

"tell me when to stop." i said pulling away.

"dont."