HURT FOR ME

Chapter Fifteen - Guilt

"The worst guilt is to accept an unearned guilt."

‒ Ayn Rand

Olivia Bennett

"Olivia, I'll be fine," Natalie promised. "I will call every day and we can see each other sometimes, I won't go ghost or anything." I knew she was telling the truth but the last time I allowed her out of my sight, she experienced the same thing as me.

I took a deep breath and held her hand, "Okay, but you have to let me meet him soon." Natalie spent the entire morning thanking Aaron and me for getting her out of that house. She made plans with her boyfriend, which I'd never met before, to live together on the other side of town away from our family.

"I promise," She smiled. "He's waiting for me." I nodded my head and pulled her into my arms, hugging her tightly. We didn't get much time together and she was already leaving but if she thought this was what was best for her, I'd never disagree with her.

"I love you so much," I squeezed one last time before letting her go. She stepped into the elevator and blew me a kiss before the doors closed. I closed my eyes and tried to hold back the tears. I was afraid of letting her go because of what happened the last time I left. What if she was in that predicament again? What if she experienced something like that all over again because I allowed her to be on her own?

She was eighteen now so she could make her own decisions and although I trusted her to make the right ones, it didn't prevent the nauseous feeling in my stomach. The only thing that could make this feeling go away was Aaron who happened to come at the perfect time.

"You okay?" He held my hand and studied my face waiting for my response. I glanced around, trying to think of my answer. I wasn't okay but I was okay. I wasn't okay because my sister was growing up and she was moving on with her life, but I was okay because I was here with him.

I nodded and let my forehead fall onto his hard chest, "I'll be okay." I closed my eyes again, enjoying his touch, his scent, his familiarity. I still haven't figured out why he doesn't feel like a stranger to me, even when he first introduced himself, something about him is so familiar to me.

He backed away, hooking his finger under my chin, forcing me to look at him. My eyes were watered over and my bottom lip trembled as the tears began to fall. There was so much that was wrong and irreparable, I don't think I'd ever be okay again. I felt so much guilt and regret for allowing my sister to remain in that house with those people.

What was I thinking? I knew what he was capable of doing because he did it to me and I left her, I escaped that hellhole and left her to fend for herself. What kind of sister does that? I feel stupid for never considering that he'd do it to her too, but I guess I assumed my parents only allowed it to happen because they hated me. They were good to my little sister, at least when I was around.

"Olivia," His voice was gentle. "It's not your fault." Those four words restored something deep inside of me that I didn't think would be fixed for a very long time. His hand rested on my cheek now and I allowed myself to cry into his palm.

Before my accident, I wasn't the kind of girl to rely on anyone or let myself be this vulnerable with someone, but being here with him made things seem hopeful. I was thankful for Aaron and the kindness he's shown me within this small amount of time with him, it was more than anyone else had ever given to me.

"I know," I replied. I didn't actually believe what he said but maybe if I tried to, it would eventually happen and I would stop carrying this guilt on my shoulders.

"No, Olivia," His voice was much more demanding. "Listen to me, okay?" I nodded my head and waited for him to say whatever he wanted me to hear so badly. My breathing became slower with the anticipation settling into the room.

His thumb rubbed against my cheek as he spoke, "I'm willing to do anything for you." I knew this much was true because he killed a man without any hesitation when I asked. "You'll never have to go through what your uncle did to you again," His eyes glistened under the dim light as he whispered, "I'm so sorry I let him do that to you for so long, Liv."

My heart completely stopped as that name fell from his lips. The room was suddenly closing in on me as his voice echoed in my head. I placed my hand over my chest and backed away from him, giving myself space to breathe. I never thought a simple nickname would hold so much meaning and drastically change everything until Aaron spoke that nickname.

He wasn't looking at me anymore and his back was facing me now. I couldn't breathe as the conversation Kavanaugh and I had flickered through my mind.

There was someone else there that night.

Kavanaugh told me it was Anna.

No, someone else.

The expression that crossed his face as I questioned who else was at the scene of the accident was stuck in my head. The way he ignored the question the first time and then was saved by my mother's sudden appearance.

I shook my head, refusing to believe the man I married was the same man who was driving the night of my car crash. My chest rapidly fell and rose as I let out hurried breaths each time. I was breathing but I felt suffocated. Aaron's next sentence confirmed what I didn't want to believe.

"I should have killed him so much sooner."