Some kind of way - Hyunho

.... and you become soft and pure

"..... and then I drafted those beats to try them in future" Minho was attentively listening to Jisung and Changbin's talks while Hyunjin was attentively staring at him. It was so heart wrecking, the way Minho was so damn perfect.

Oh, why did he had to be such boyfriend goals...?

Sighing dreamily, Hyunjin retired to his room for the night after bidding the guys a good night. No, he was not tired in the least, but being in Minho's company for even a moment more seemed pretty painful to him. So he ran away like a coward, finding solace in his diary which he wrote his feelings in.

No one knew about his crush on Minho. No one. Not even Felix who was his little sunshine confider, not even Jisung who was his partner in crimes and secrets, not even Changbin who was his comfort person to talk to about anything, not even Seungmin who was his secret soulmate, not even Chan who he looked up to and relied the most on, and not even Jeongin who, despite being his baby, was one of his most safest place ever.

No, he never told anyone about it, not because he was scared of being judged, he knew they would never do it, but because it was a secret he held close to only his own heart. It felt kinda magical, loving someone so perfect and imperfect at the same time all by himself. Only he knew about his fantasies, only he knew about his dreams, only he knew about his temptations with the elder. It felt like a sin, loving him, but it was his guilty pleasure. Watching him, heeding his actions and habits, knowing his every move like the back of his hands. It was occult and mystic, his feelings ran deeper than just love. He was in awe with the elder, he respected him, he adored him, he loved him, he wanted him, he lived him....

As the lovesick Hyunjin opened his dear diary, a folded piece of paper fell out. His breath caught in his throat as he recognized the letter he had written months ago, right when his hiatus began. He had been scared whether he will make it back to the group or not, so he had written Minho a letter, which he sadly never gave him.

He remembered the meeting in their usual official studio, the fear and anxiety in the air as their manager announced he might have to lay off the group activities for a few months until the issue was sorted. He remembered the look on his members' faces, they were shocked, they were angry, but they were also frightened. They were worried and afraid it might be the last moment of them together as a group. And Hyunjin? Hyunjin had been broken. The anguish and agony in his veins when he realized it might be the end of his journey with his dear members had nearly killed him. The pain he had felt when he had realized he might never see their faces again, not hear their voices, not get their cuddles....

The pain he felt when he realized he might never get to confess, might never get his chance with Minho, might never hear his soft soulful voice and sassy words, might never see his beautiful face, might never get to be held in his strong tender arms, never get his soft kisses....

It was an excruciating pain that followed him out of the meeting room. Technically, he could live in the dorms with the kids but he chose not to. After all, how would he bid his goodbyes if he really was kicked out?

That night, he had collapsed on his bed after a long hour of crying and cuddling with the younger members. Jisung and Jeongin had been shedding tears like waterfall, clinging to the elder and promising to never let him go, Felix had kissed his forehead and claimed to fight anyone who would prevent Hyunjin from getting back to them, which had made the sobbing rapper laugh slightly because Felix was the least violent one out of them all despite his long taekwondo past. Even Seungmin had cried. But he hadn't said much, all that Hyunjin has to take care of himself on his break or he will take care of him and that was something Hyunjin wasn't willing to risk.

Changbin and Chan straight up told him that they were not letting him get kicked out no matter what, not after 4yrs together and the relationship that exists between them. Hyunjin had seen the determination in Chan's eyes, as a leader it had been hard to lose Woojin. And now Hyunjin? Nah, the younger boy was sure Chan would do anything, all to keep his team safe.

And Minho? He had held the boy in his arms when everyone had gone to sleep but Hyunjin was still up sobbing at his fate. He had calmed him down, kissed his head, patted is back, had done everything to make him stop crying. He had held him so tenderly, so lovingly, that for a moment Hyunjin forgot all about their teasing and bickering dynamic. And as the younger had snuggled into the elder's chest, trying to get all of him, he had heard him whisper,

"I will fight everyone Hyunjin-ah, everyone, but I will not let you go. You mean more to me that anyone out there and I will treasure you, no matter what."

Hyunjin nearly confessed right then and there, in the tender moment of confrontation, but damn didn't the timing suck?

So he wrote Minho a letter, all determined to give it to him before leaving the dorm.

But he didn't...

He couldn't....

Because when he noticed the tears in the elder's eyes, his heart broke all over again, and all he could do was hug him.

The coldness and sharpness in his words, the intimation in his gaze and his usually sassy persona all disappeared as he softly hugged the younger back. The hug was bittersweet. They weren't the most clingy ones with each other and the only times they hugged were pretty memorable, and that one was too, just not the good type of memorable.

The shiny and warm weather contrasted highly with the mood of the duo as they sniffled and held onto each other tightly, fully aware that it was time for Hyunjin to leave. But none of them were willing to let go.

A moment of Lee Minho being soft and pure to Hwang Hyunjin, all broken by the cruel fact that it might be their last moment together.

But Minho wasn't ready to give up and so wasn't Hyunjin.

No, they will fight.

And they will win.

Because its not just about Hyunjin....

It about them all.

Hyunjin remembered when he had stepped out of their dorm and walked away, feeling his soul slowly leave his body and drift back to the comfort of their dorm, he had promised himself that if fate gave him another chance, he will make Lee Minho his own.

That's all he wanted. Just one chance.

And he got it.

He got his chance.

He saw Minho again, after four excruciatingly long months, he saw him again in flesh, the soft and pure smile on his face and his warm arms ready to hug him.

In that moment, when Hyunjin threw himself in his arms and just held him, he put his promise in motion.

He loves Minho and he will forever do so.