Some kind of way - Hyunho

I checked how much I spent today

- I ate breakfast 

- I completed one painting

- I am almost done with the collab choreography

With a frustrated sigh, he threw the notepad down and buried his face against his many pillows. It was not helping. He only felt like a failure when he read those notes, never feeling a sense of accomplishment. I mean, what was so successful about eating breakfast? Sure, he used to skip it before and now he doesn't, but that isn't a big feat.

Nothing ever made him feel like an achievement anymore. It was such an annoying feat, he felt lame and immature, crying over nothing all because his emotions were high and his feelings were still killing him. He wanted comfort, he wanted consoling words, he wanted that burning feeling he gets whenever Minho is around, he was just slightly suicidal with his feelings. It broke him inside out, whenever he thought about just how much he loves the elder, but is never sure of his feelings.

Will he ever get his happy ending?

Will his warm heart filled with love get frozen over and cracked all because of his hyung?

He didn't want that, he didn't want the rejection, he didn't want the pain of knowing he will never get his love, if only it means living with his feelings all alone for his entire life. He had promised himself that if he got the chance again, he will tell Minho, but now that he had been given his chance, all he could think of is the futuristic pain that awaits him. Because he was convinced that Minho didn't love him. Not in that way.

He threw another glance at his notepad before picking it up. It was supposed to be his way out of negative thoughts, a way to Minho's heart, but all he did was drown in his miseries. The notes in there were just another reminder of what a lame human he had become.

Insecurity, negativity, fear and anxiety had become his friends faster than Jisung could ever finish his cheesecakes.

And what would a guy like Lee Minho want to do with a guy like Hyunjin?

***

"Hyunjin?" a finger snapped in front of him, bringing him back to reality. The young blonde stared around, slowly becoming aware of his surroundings. They were in the MBC building for the recording of their collab stage song 'Snow Prince'. Minho had another collab stage too, a song called 'Tiger Inside' that Hyunjin had truthfully never heard before. But he had seen the dance practice of the collab group and to say that he was excited for the elder's performance would be an understatement. He was anticipating it way more than the participants themselves, all because Minho shined like the fucking sun in the performance.

He was so immersed in the elder's performance that his own collab stage was clearly out of his mind. He didn't like it anyways, he was only doing it because Minho was in it too, and the elder begged him to not refuse the offer to the extra performance because he was not fond of the idea either.

"Doing it with you will make it slightly better." 

He had said, and how could Hyunjin reject those sparkly eyes and that pout?

He was a lovesick puppy for the elder, ready to do anything for him.

"What's wrong?" the said love of his life asked, his gaze worried and concerned.

"Nothing." Hyunjin quickly leaned away, mindful of not touching the dancer lest his tension jumped out and he did something stupid like kiss him.

"Nothing? Stop lying to me. You are doing it again, pulling away from us and hiding your insecurities." his normally soft velvety voice was hard and accusing, which only made Hyunjin feel worse.

"Are you writing in that notepad like I asked you to?" only a hum was heard in response from the younger boy.

"Well, then what's wrong?" Hyunjin imploringly looked at Minho, begging him to drop the subject he was so fearfully treading, but the elder was adamant. Once sure that the younger was not going to speak up, he dragged him upright and out of the dance practice room.

"Hyung...." Hyunjin protested weakly, mindful of the stares of MBC staffs and employees, but Minho just wordlessly pulled him into a studio and locked the door behind him.

Hyunjin's heart rate picked up when he realized his predicament. He was locked in a small studio with his crush who was adamant on getting him out of his insecure thoughts. Swear on all the eggplants in the world, the universe truly hates him. Minho stepped closer, and Hyunjin caught a whiff of his refreshing minty perfume, his head was going dizzy and his limbs were turning to mush as he leaned against the wall for support.

"Hey." warm hands cradled his face, tilting it upwards to meet his gaze with Minho's soft alluring ones. There was a soft smile on his pretty face, a knowing look in his feline eyes, as if he knew just how much he affected Hyunjin and he enjoyed it.

"Now, tell me, what's wrong?"

Wordlessly, Hyunjin took out that little notepad he carries around everywhere and shoved it against Minho's chest. The elder threw him a questioning look but took the notepad anyways. It was silent and still for a long moment as Minho went through his notepad, wherein he could see some positive thoughts written for the first dozen pages, before they turned dark, before his insecurity took over again. The optimistic notes were replaced by the haunting thoughts of his talents, his unstable thinkings, his wobbly picture of the future that consisted of him being alone and lonely.

"Oh Hyunjinnie..." Minho whispered, his devastated gaze finding Hyunjin's empty ones. Within second, he was hauled in the elder's strong arms as they sat on the small couch with an unspoken understanding. The tears finally sprung out as Hyunjin started to on lightly.

The unprovoked hate, the determination to be perfect, the unrequited love, the insecurities... It all washed over the younger as he squeezed his eyes shut against Minho's chest.

He didn't know how long they sat there in the suffocating silence, Minho holding him while he cried for the nth time, but he was sure that they had to leave soon. So he wiped his tears and started bottling up his emotions once again but Minho had other plans.

The elder held his wet and splotchy face in his hands and kissed his forehead.

A KISS ON THE FREAKING FOREHEAD!!

Hyunjin might have fainted right then and there if not for the beaming smile on Minho's face that distracted him from all his fluttering thoughts.

Shook and flustered, Hyunjin blushed a deep red and tried to look away but of course, Minho wouldn't let him. He was chuckling and trying to lean in again, for what? Hyunjin wasn't thrilled to find out, he might just have a heart attack if the elder kept playing with his heart like that again.

"Hyung, no, stop." a giggle erupted when Minho's naughty hands grazed his side, just slightly tickling him.

"No, no, no, hyung, don't..." he gasped as Minho overpowered him and started tickling him just faintly enough to get him to laugh but not enough to actually kill him with the tickle attack.

How did they go from that depressed state to this? Hyunjin didn't know, neither did he care.

There was a lot of time to wallow in his miseries but never enough to spend with Minho, so he kept his negative thoughts at bay and let himself smile fully as his happy brown orbs met Minho's mischievous black ones.

His day went awful, he didn't even spent his much needed time on his positive mission...

And yet, he was happy all because Minho was there.