Baby I'm yours (Do I wanna Know sequel) Spencer Reix x Fem!BAUreader

Chapter five: "I used to think that Romeo was full of shit"

Summary: Hotch needs to know how the team is dealing with Prentiss' death, but some of their answers might be too painful. Strauss catches Spencer and reader kissing in the bullpen, and something has to be done to stop that behavior. 

Warnings: Mention of death, the usual Criminal Minds shit, cursing (of course), and... I think that's it. 

Word count: 5,7K (short chapter, but next week we are back to the million words) 

A/N: I just wanted you to know I love each and every one of your comments on this series (and all my fics) Your feedback fuels me and keeps me going !! 

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Spencer's point of view

Aaron closed the door behind our back and invited me to have a seat on his couch. That was weird. I knew we weren't going to talk about any case. He had been meetings the team to talk about Emily and how we had been dealing with her death. So far, he had spoken with Morgan, Seaver, and Penelope. I wasn't excited to share my feelings with him, not that I didn't trust him. I just... didn't want to open that door just yet. Not with him, not at work. I knew it was mandatory, and I also knew it was better to talk with Hotch, 'cos I trusted him, instead of a random therapist. But still, I didn't want to do it.

- "Coffee?"- he asked and I shook my head, showing him the cup of tea I was holding.

- "I'm trying not to drink that much caffeine after lunch."

- "Are you having trouble sleeping?"- I sighed, trying to explain my reasons very simply.

- "I've always been a night owl, and I honestly didn't have much trouble with it. But now I..."- I cleared my throat and shook my head.

- "You don't wanna bother (Y/N) at night?"- Hotch asked and cut me a short smile. I just nodded and sipped my tea- "I used to have the same issue with Haley when we started dating. I often cuddled her to sleep and then got out of bed to work or read for another few hours."

- "I usually read in bed, but I'm always worried the light could wake her or bother her"- I confessed- "Also, for adults, getting less than seven hours of sleep a night on a regular basis has been linked with diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, and depression. And I think it's time I start to worry about my health."

- "I'm glad to hear that. I know (Y/N) puts a lot of effort trying to make you have a healthy diet."- I nodded, smiling. Hotch sipped his coffee and sighed. I knew what was coming, we couldn't continue with the chit-chat.

- "The last time I was on a couch like this was when my father left."- I said and looked down at my hands, holding the mug- "They all thought I needed to talk, but developmentally I wasn't guided by conscience. I could only reveal what my mother and teachers told me was acceptable."

- "You told them exactly what you knew they wanted to hear. You don't have to do that here."

- "It's just unfair that she's gone. It's like, if we can't keep each other safe, then why are we even doing any of this?"

There was a long pause. I felt as if I had hit a nerve in Hotch's heart. An issue that he had been battling as well. But I wasn't going to lie, if he wanted to know how I was doing, I was going to be honest. So I continued talking.

- "It's... sometimes I think maybe... maybe Gideon was right, you know? Maybe... maybe it's just not worth it."

- "What we do here matters, Reid. You know it."

- "Yes, but it also takes things from us. This work can kill us, and now, for the first time, I have something to fight for, to live for. And I will do whatever it takes to keep her safe."- for the first time since we started talking, I looked into his eyes and I could feel his grieve fighting not to come out.