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Ch. 27 - Shadow Hunters

I've acclimated to dealing with death. You have no other option when its presence is more prominent than the alternative. I felt like a number before humanity's fall, and I am just a number so long as the earth still spins. The gurgle of a growling stomach, the whirring of a new ticket printing in the kitchen. A low hum in the distance emitted by a swarm of reanimated corpses, harsh words thrown back and forth alongside hand and fist during a confrontation for rations.

It's all the same.

Carl sits across from me, his back slacked against the wall as he scribbles across sheets of paper with splotchy ink. He shakes the pen vigorously when the lines begin to fade and mumbles under his breath, "Damn pen." He's writing his final goodbyes and I couldn't bear to leave him alone in his final hours.

"How many more do you have to write?" I look at the stack of folded papers next to his bent leg and then back to his concentrated face.

"This is the last one," he says as he presses the pen back to the paper. "I need you to give it to Negan."

Not too long ago, Carl tried to kill Negan by himself. Now, he's writing him a goodbye letter that has to uphold some level of sentiment. When he finishes the letter, he clicks the pen and folds the paper in half before handing it to me between two fingers. I take it from his grasp and glare at Negan's name written across the front. I nod, "I can do that."

The sun is beginning to set and Carl's clock continues to tick away steadily. He grunts as he pushes himself up from the floor and takes the stack of letters in his hands. He shuffles through them before pulling out another slip of paper between his fingers and turning it over to me. Jade is written across the front in a shaky font. Tears begin to well in my eyes at the thought of reading Carl's final words to me, so I tuck the paper into my back pocket and slip Negan's letter beside it.

"I'm gonna miss you, JJ," his voice cracks and I shake my head in response. I can't think about losing him right now, no matter how selfish that sounds. "I'll always be with you."

"I know you will," a tear spills from my eye and trails down my cheek before staining the filthy pants that encase my legs. "I'm gonna miss you too."

I stand from my seat on the floor and follow Carl downstairs before going to find Michonne. I search through Alexandria to no avail but manage to spot Daryl standing watch atop the wall next to the front gate. I climb the ladder and catch his glance as I near the top, but he looks away quickly when he realizes that it's me. When I reach the platform, I brush my clothes flat with the palms of my hands and look over the horizon. Daryl's eyebrows remain pinched in anguish and his eyes squinted, his body language is stern and unwavering. It'd be easier for me to say I don't understand his behavior or the behavior of anybody in Alexandria toward me, but I do.

I get it.

"Did he really kill Sasha?" I question as I catch a glimpse of a walker in the distance. I watch as it walks aimlessly. Daryl mumbles a gruff mhm without moving a muscle. I shake my head in disbelief. Negan killing Sasha goes against every promise he made to me before we were separated at that cabin. He wouldn't have done such a thing if he truly wanted to resolve the bad blood between him and Rick. I hum in response.

"You get somethin' to eat?" His grave voice catches me by surprise, I wasn't expecting him to talk to me anytime soon.

"Carl," I choke on his name and reach my hand into my back pocket, fingertips grazing the edge of the paper he gave me. "Carl gave me some grub."

The sun sinks slowly into the horizon, dipping into a pool of pastels. The sky is one of Earth's most unshakable beauties, I can always rely on her. She is consistent, she is safe. Tears prick in my eyes at the thought of it being Carl's last sunset. The sun will continue to rise and set, but Carl will no longer be here. He'll become part of those exquisite hues in the sky, because no matter what, Carl has always been consistent. He will continue to do so even though I failed to keep him safe.