Soft Breaths of Affection

Will Everything Be Okay?

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»Warnings: crying, naked mention, past sui/des/attempts hinted, depression, sacrificing oneself for their partner, anxiety

»Type: hurt to comfort a bit of angst

~Summary: you dont know if your relationship with your boyfriend is going to be okay in the long run so you end up crying in the bathroom and he comforts you.

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I cant I cant with today. Everytings been too much and im starting to doubt that everythings going to be fine, like he always says it will be.. But what if its not! what if im the one to ruin everything.. He knows i slave and sacrifice for him and im the one who makes him never do the same, im the one who makes him be "lazy" and never do anything for me, for us.. So its my fault im not happy with our relationship because im the one making it painful.. but i dont want to stress him out because he has to take care of me and show he cares and loves me.. he gets overwhelmed then gets stressed then gets depressed then i have to be a good boyfriend and help him, take care if him. I hate that i envy him because i wish that he was how i am towards him, Im jealous of my own Boyfriend..

knowing where these talks with myself normally go i head to the bathroom to take a shower, showers always make me feel better.. I cant stop thinking about everything once ive entered the shower even tho the warm water was a nice distraction, more comforting then he ever is.. NO! i cant think this way-

-time skip-

I sit on the toilet letting silent tears fall out my eyes, my towel covering my mouth so no one can hear my sobs.
what am i going to do? i cant be unhappy with him anymore but i still love him.. so so much but i cant take him never doing anything for me..

Knock knock "Honey? are you okay? youve been in there for an only long time my love" I hear a worried voice say, i break letting out a loud wail and alerting my boyfriend on the other side if the door. He opens it and quickly takes me into his arms holding me as i cried into him, im still only wearing a towel but i dont care. I ball my hands into fists softly hitting his chest as i shaked still crying hard. He knows whenever i hit him like this im upset with him so im not surprised when i hear a soft careful "Baby? what did i do wrong bunny?" I look up into his soft green eyes filled with love and worry, i can tell he just wants to make things right.. so i start speaking "I- I cant anymore.. It hurts me everyday that you dont do anything for me or our relationship, i know i said its fine but its not fine! But ive ket it go because I dont want you to have to take care if me, youve always been forced to take care of others and i dont want to add another burden to your trauma, and when your hurting so am I, Im the one who has to deal with your pain with you, Im the one whose saved you so many times, Im the one who cateres to your every need and desire, Im the one whose working my ass off just for you to be happy!! I cant sit by and be broken and hurting so badly and you do almost nothing to help me, Its like you dont even care or love me.. But I know you do but its hard to believe when you do nothing to show it.. You dont even say i love you first most of the time.. I shouldn't be surprised when you show me affection or give me any kind of affection, my first reaction shouldn't be to push you away when im upset because even if im upset i will have to deal with you being upset after, I shouldn't feel scared to let my gard down around you because every time ive tried its another bad day for you or I have to do something to make you better. Im always the one to fix your world, but no ine ever bothers to care about mine.." i wipe my tears taking a deep breath, my chest feeling lighter now that i don have to keep such a big secret anymore, I felt him pull md closer to him and for the first time I ket myself lean into his touch instead of pulling away, I need him right now and he knows it, and im letting myself need him.

After a few minutes he says "I am so so so sorry you feel this way my love, all i ever want is for you to be happy and i dont seem like im doing a very good job, I promise to do whatever you need of me from now on okay" he smiles softly "I cant promise i wont have my bad days, and i cant promise to read your mind whenever your hurting, so as long as you communicate with me, i will do my best to meet your needs, Im here for you my dear, im here." he cups my face in his hands and wipes my tears, pulling me into a soft kiss. after a few seconds we pull away and he helps me get dressed, Im really tired after crying so much and having so much stress on me for the past year

We arent perfect but were us and I wouldn't change it for the world.

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A/N: Wow that was a long one- I hope you enjoyed this chapter, Its a bit different than that this book was intended to be but eh fluff at the end so all is well- I should be updating as often as i can so watch out!

★1000ish words
★Written: 2/8/23
★Published: 2/8/23

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