I Need Help But I Don't Care (Kel Angst)

chapter 11

Kel

We got to the park and hung out for awhile until the sun was going down. It was a lot of fun. I'm glad that I could hang out with them one last time.

I make it to my house. I give up knocking on Sunny's door. I want to fix things with my brother. I want to be useful and help him. Do something good before I go.

I walk inside and go to the restroom. As I walk into the restroom the atmosphere gets darker. I turn to look in the mirror. Something is behind me. I shout. I fall to the ground, shaking. All I could think is 'what the hell.' I slowly stand up. It wasn't there anymore. Just my stupid face. My face had tear tracks. I didn't know I was crying. I open the cabinet and take out sleeping pills. I set it on a shelf and walk out.

I walk into our room. I stand there for a moment and walk to Hero's bed. I try to talk but words aren't forming. He just stares at me. My breathing quickens. I run out into the hallway. I take some breaths and walk back to my brother's bed. I take another breath. "H-Hero" he stares emotionless at me. "I-I" I fail to speak so I take another breath "W-We all are worried for you." I blurt out. "I want to help you." I say trembling. I don't notice how I'm scratching my arms nervously. "All you do is waste in bed, would Mari want this?" I say as I tear up.
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Hero slowly sits up. "What the fuck did you just say to me." He says in a menacing voice. "I-" I try to respond but can't. "How do you know what she wants!" He stands up. My breathing is scattered. "You have no right to tell me what to do!" He screams. "Do you even miss her?!" He says as he pushes me down
"I-I do!" I barely say.
"It should've been you!" "I wish it was you hanging from that tree!" "I hate you!" The door bust open. "Kelsey! What have you done!" My parents start hugging Hero. He deserves it. I can't hear anything. My breathing is erotic. I can't breathe. I sob in my knees trying to breathe. I feel wetness on my hands. I look at it. It was blood. I try to wipe the tears off my face to calm down but they keep flowing and blood gets smeared on my face. I go to my drawers and find a razor blade. I cut and cut and cut again. I don't know how much time has passed.

Im still sobbing and there's blood everywhere. On my face, my bed, the floor. Everywhere. I hear knocking. "Kel?" It was Hero. That makes me freak out. I know he hates me. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I sob out to him. "Can I come in bud?" He hasn't called be that since I was like 8. He walks in. He runs over to me. I back to the corner of my bed. "Kel, you need to breathe." He says to me.
"I-I can't"
"Yes you can, if you could talk you could breathe." He says softly grabbing my bloody wrist and putting my hand to his chest. He exaggerates his breathing so I could follow it. I try but I can't. "I can't" I sob out. "I know you can." He says softly smiling. After many tries I'm able to do it. My breathing clams mostly. I'm still crying. "Kel, I'm so sorry." He says. "It's ok." I say instantly. "No it's not. What I said wasn't true. I'm glad you're here. I know you miss Mari as much as anyone." I sob as he pulls me into a hug. He just whispers how sorry he is.

Now my crys have turned to sniffles. "Let's go get you cleaned up, okay?"
"Ok" I say quietly. He brings me to the bathroom. He sets me down on a stool and he sets on his knees. He takes out the first aid kit.

Hero

What the fuck have I done. I'm literally the worst brother the world, I just sat there for a year watching my little brother do this to himself. Cut, panic, self-deprecate. What the hell is wrong with me. When I went into the room to apologize I was met with a bloody, sobbing, panicking Kel. There was blood all over the floor, on the bed and all over Kel's face, arms, and shirt. There were a shit ton of cuts on his arms from his shoulder all the way to his wrist. It was heartbreaking. After calming him down I take him to the bathroom and start cleaning his cuts. He flinched as I poured peroxide on them. I wrapped them up and I take him to the living room after wiping his face and changing his shirt. He's spaced out he does that a lot. He doesn't realize it though. I turn on a movie and we sit there and he falls asleep. We have a lot to talk about tomorrow.