To Trust a Witcher

The Never-Ending Cycle

I'm sitting up in my bed, with my arms wrapped around my legs tucked into my chest. I lay my head on my knees, waiting for my heart rate to slow down. 

I fell asleep easily tonight, but not for long because soon after, I had a dream of Rascal chasing after me in the woods. I ended up tripping over Johan's body and Rascal reached me.

I woke up after that, as I have no interest in witnessing my death. 

It's still dark outside, and I don't hear any noise. Everyone seems to be asleep. 

I climb out of my bed, feeling restless, and begin pacing. Back and forth, back and forth.

I can't believe Rascal and Johan have entered my dreams. I always thought that after I kill the black knight, he won't have the ability to appear in my dreams to try and kill me anymore, because he will be dead. But it seems I am mistaken.

Even dead people can torture me in my dreams.

I run a hand through my hair. 

That means my logic has been flawed this entire time! There's no way to defeat the black knight. He will always win- alive or dead. My one solution to my problem is useless! All of this is useless! He will never stop tormenting me. 

What if I can never sleep normally again? I've always pictured an end to this problem, but all I feel is horror at the fact that there may never be an end. 

But I know he is out there, and he poses a risk not only in my dreams, but in real life. And unlike my dreams, I can't simply wake up after he murders me once he finds me. 

I duck under my bed and grab the practice sword I've hidden there, the one I used to train in the middle of the night and during the day with Geralt. 

I've made my decision, I realize as I grab the hilt and relinquish in the feeling of having a weapon by my side, to defend myself.

Even if Geralt thinks I am good enough and that I don't need to change myself or become something I'm not, I need to do this for me. For my ability to sleep peacefully at night. For me to live my life without constant fear and anxiety.

I'm sorry, Geralt. 

I know he only wants the best for me. 

I sneak out of my room, climb up the stairs silently, and make my way outside.

The biting cold of winter is refreshing against my hot skin, and the falling snow is just an added benefit. I soon find myself in front of the straw body, and under the cover of night, I begin. 

I start with the basics from what Geralt has taught me at the very beginning. And then I go from there, going to slightly more advanced movement, until my body accommodates to the motions and flows fluently with every strike.

I haven't forgotten a thing. My body has remembered the movements, even if I haven't trained for quite some time. It gives me hope. 

Over the next hour, my wrist aches from the way I shift my sword in my hand, so I attempt less painful maneuvers. 

My sword drops to the ground when I'm unable to catch it. I release a sigh and watch as my breath forms a cloud. Stooping down, I reach out to grab it.

"What do you think you're doing?"

I jerk towards the sound and find Geralt standing behind me, with his arms folded in front of him. 

I freeze and look at him with wide eyes.

"Geralt?" I whisper, voice full of horror as I recognize some snow build-up on his shoulders. I scramble to my feet. "How long have you been standing there?"