heal my [broken] heart

.II.

Dear Vika 

I can remember all. 

I can remember the first time I heard of you. I can remember the first time we met, and the first words we shared. I can remember the time, the place and the light. And my heart, beating too hard. 

I can remember listening for the first time at Girl in Red after we met. How the roommate of my friend looked at us when she entered in the room with Girls playing loud. I was in love. And my friend was too. 

Bogdana and you made her enters in a huge bi-panic, but she hid it from me.

You know... Nothing can stay silent for long. Another of her roommate told me the truth in the evening. 

I forced her to admit, months later. 

It's almost been 10 months since we met. 

Maybe I should tell you how I experienced it ? 

It was on May, the 5. The referent teacher of our student association had sent us a message to talk about your arrival. Yours, and Bogdana and Yaroslav's one too. 
She planned a meeting between the member of our association and you, to answer your potential questions and try to support you. You didn't know this, or something else, but you were late. Adélie called you, she had your number. "How lucky she is!" I thought. I hated her so much! I was so jealous ! But I don't think you liked her actually. Did you still exchange after this first week ? We do. At least until... Those last months. 

You sat next to her and our teacher. I was sitting next to Bogdanna. We exchanged by google  translate. I liked her, but I was trying to print your face in my mind. You were incredibly beautiful. You had this dignified posture, and the light was flirting with your hair. Your legs were crossed, with  your hands set down on your knees. You understood English, so you translated to Yaroslav and Bogdana. 

Sometimes, some of us weren't able to talk in English, so Adélie translated you in English what they were saying. 

 I wanted to be her. 

After I saw you for the first time, I went out for a walk, and thought about you and Bogdana. I had my head in the clouds. 

Then, I saw you during the afternoon break. You were sitting at a table in the cafeteria, drinking an umpteenth coffee or hot chocolate. I looked at you, then stopped, and said "If you need anything, my friends and I are often here at a table, you can join us if you want" and you said something like "okay, thank you". I went back to my friend's table, and, later, to my class. Boring ones, as each Thursday afternoon. 

After I get bored for two hours, I came back in the cafeteria with my rainbow flag totebag, and you came to me. Then you said " You bi ? " I begged. You repeat.  I was like "huuum more lesbian" but I don't think you understood. We talked. I explained to you I was a boarder, and though you would be too 

We talked about music 

Girl in Red 

wlw vibes

The first time I listened to Girl in Red  was this evening of May 5th. 

I wanna be your girlfriend   was actually the song I listened to the most this year. Can you only imagine the effect you had on me ? 

I hope you feel good 

H 

14·02·2023