heal my [broken] heart

.IV.

«They're so pretty it hurts, I'm not talking about boys, I'm talking about girls »

Dear Vika 

Little sunshine. 

I miss you, you know ? I miss this tightness of my heart when you are here. 

I miss this physical proximity, which made me want to hold your hand. I wanted it so much. It was so difficult to stop myself doing it ! I had butterflies, not only in my stomach but in my whole body when you were near. In my hands. And in my head. I couldn't think when you were there. I was trying to say something but they were numbing my mind. I loved it. 

I loved you, and I loved the effect of your presence on me. 

You know... You were the first. 

My first assumed "crush" was on a girl of my school. But nothing never happened between us before we became friends at the begining of September. 

She is straight. It is what she told me when I told her I liked her. We were in middle school. 

But you, one of the first thing you told me was your bisexuality. So I had my chance. You were the first who let something happens between us, even only in dreams. 

In October, you show me I was right to believe you can love me. It was wonderful, wasn't it ? An idyllic love story. Two girls falling in love  in October. Very queer thing, isn't it ? 

But... I don't know what hapenned. Do you ? 

Months passed. You came less, and less in high school. Why? 

Did you run away ? Did you run away ? 

I don't know 

But... do you ? 

Do you know ? 

...

Grandiose, la vie, que j'avais inventée, pour toi, la vie qu'on nous vend bien cachée 

Une vie comme ça, n'existe pas, 

En tout cas entre toi et moi, n'est-ce pas ?  

Je reste là, les bras ouverts

H 

16•02•2023