-"Folie à Deux... Which means the theatric of two."
-"The madness of two,"
-"OH the madness of two, the madness of two..."
-
Previously known as Goin' Mad.
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A (mostly) gender neutral Madness Combat X Reader one-shots and head-canons book.
I suc...
Getting to know the megalomaniac was a wild ride, but even when you were in the peak of your hopeless romance that revolved around him, never did you think that you two would end up with matching rings and a vow to each other.
♡︎
The proposal sure was something. You'd expect the big bad Aud' to do something major when all he did was come up to you running at the speed of sound, disheveled as all hell, fall flat on his face, get up on one knee, scramble to get the box, and just ask you if you will marry him.
And because you're here reading this, you of course accepted.
᪥
The marriage was even more confusing and wild. It was like the second coming of Smash Bros., everyone was there, fucking everyone. War was kept to the war zone, even though Nevada in its entirety a warzone, but everyone had some sort of comic respect to each other on the side, thus every bastard was there.
-Wimbleton chimed in, he congratulated the both of you before calling you a whore and started screaming somethings about closing doors.
-Deimos was recording and laughing hysterically, clapping for both of you as a sign of being happy for your marriage while contradicting himself and saying something along the lines of "Oh, oh dear lord! Hah— As if we needed him to have the chance to reproduce! AhahHAGAGHHAHA—" before wheezing hysterically, only keeping himself composed to record and blast background music.
-Sanford was a mess. He was both trying to be respectful for the both of you and congratulate you while also cheering Hank on because his absolutely wonderful and astonishing sense of "poise" and "rationality".
-Jebus was the priest in the wedding, he gave up as soon as Hank chimed in. The moment that bastard entered Jebus literally looked straight ahead and said "Alright guys! Today, we will be speedrunning this new game called Marriage Simulator, we're doing an any% and aiming for the world record!" and fucking booked it. Like just imagine that scene of the cop in Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs, yeah that's how Jebus exited out of your first reason of divorce.
-Tricky was actually screaming and cheering for Hank. No joke the whole CR1TIKAL WOOOH YEAH BABY THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT WOOOOOH clip. He was breakdancing on the floor and was actually half good at it.
-Sheriff fainted. Not because of shock or anything but because he had exactly 1:26 hours of sleep and came in without eating thinking he'd feast on that good wedding food, only to realize the mess, and due to the lack of sleep and food, he fainted and became the new decoration in the wedding.
-The A.A.H.W. workers weren't invited. Fuck you.
I don't know why I'm saying fuck you I just have to wait until the night is over until that happens but oh well.
-Phobos wasn't invited either because he literally doesn't exist here but he managed to get his ugly ass into the wedding and almost completely ruin it with purely his looks.
-And Auditor, the man himself, had already left with you after Hank was over a half into his insanity. You two went to find a nicer, quieter place.
And you did succeed, finding a place with some sort of plant life. He found you both a rather large tree with a lot of leaves to cover you both.
Sitting under it, you two exchanged statements of confusion at what just happened. You two decided to make your own vow under that tree, and have the kiss that sealed the deal there.
❀
So now you're in the honeymoon. You two managed to exit state for a bit, God knows how. It was actually a nice break from the chaos.
Back then Wimbleton and gang committed arson on the entirety of the A.A.H.W., but you're newly-wed husband can always get his damn slaves to rebuild it all over again.
-You two visited a state of your choice, spending the honeymoon however you liked with the most premium treatment money can buy.
-Auditor kept being the equivalent of a vine in real life. Unironically you two saw a bunch of birds in the sky, and it was this really quiet and romantic scene, and your dumbass husband goes "LoOk aT AlL ThOsE ChIcKeNz!1!1!1!!11"
-Someone tried to cook something using the Auditor's flames and instead the piece of food got turned into ice. Auditor was just chilling with sunglasses on while it happened.
✺
-Being married to him is a wild experience, wild being an understatement.
-He really wants to be domestic, but he's stupid. And he does stupider shit.
-Usually when he's at the Agency and you come talk to him he's like "hi :)" and punches anyone that comes talk to him while you're talking to him in the face while keeping eye contact with you and that weird ass grin on. It could literally be Hank coming to make peace and he wouldn't give two shits.
-Expect a lot of generic cheesy romantic shit,
_Hugging you from the back and pulling you closer by your waist while you're working,
_roses left everywhere, a reminder of how he first confessed his love before you even thought of marrying him
-He's just always romantic even if he can be a complete and utter idiot. He tries, and God damn does it work.
-And now that you two are married, he feels a stronger domestic connection. He feels finally at peace.
