Lana Series #4: Summertime Sadness

Chapter Two

"SAAN ka galing kanina?"

Napayuko ako as soon as I entered the mansion. Iyon kaagad ang bungad sa akin ni Doña Sullivan and I just wish I could just vanish right at this moment. My head is aching coming from the palpitation and adrenaline rush throughout my body but I have to stand still.

"D-Doña—"
"Why are you not calling me mother? Mommy? Nanay? The way you call me when you were younger. What happened, Solana?"

Hindi makapaniwalang napatitig ako sa marble tiles na inaapakan ko ngayon. Anong klaseng tanong 'yun? Naguguluhan ako.

"Are you starting to become one of those rebel childs out there?" Nanginginig ang boses niya habang tinatanong iyon. Hindi ko madecode kung saan nanggagaling ang mga salita niya na para bang sobrang sakit ng nararanasan niya ngayon.

"Inampon kita noon dahil nakikita ko sa'yo ang yumao kong anak. I treated you as if you were my real child. Kaya sobrang sakit na habang nasa puder kita, mapapariwara ka ng ganiyan." Her voice cracked right after she finished her narrative. Pero imbes na tignan siya o 'di kaya ay lumapit sa kaniya para aluin siya mula sa kaniyang pag-iyak, natuod lamang ako sa kinatatayuan.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat maramdaman dahil naguguluhan ako sa nais niyang iparating. Bukod sa hindi ko pagdalo ng awarding of honors, may mali pa ba akong nagawa? I'm an achiever with the hopes of making them look at me. I did my best to win every contests so that they'll be proud of me. But to no avail, hindi man lang nila ako tinatapunan ng tingin. Ni kahit paglapat ng kanilang mga mata sa anino ko, hindi nila nagawa dahil puro si Celine na lang ang nakikita nila.

Hindi ko kailangan ng monetary rewards at financial support nila, ang kailangan ko, pagmamahal ng isang magulang. Tapos ngayon sasabihan niya ako na itinuring niya akong parang anak? How come?

"Ano? Hahayaan mo na lang ba ang mommy mo na umiyak sa harapan mo?" A man in his deep voice made my spine shiver as soon as it registered in my head. Gulat na napatingin ako sa kaniya nang dumaan siya sa gilid ko papunta kay Doña Sullivan. Mukhang kagagaling niya pa lang sa work dahil naka business suit pa siya habang dinadamayan ang asawa.

"I can't really believe you can do that."
"A-Ano po ba talaga ang nagawa ko? Hindi ko po kasi kayo maintindihan..."

That's it. I'm desperate. Kanina ko pa gustong umiyak as soon as Doña Sullivan messaged me how disappointed she is at me. They will never know how painful it is to have done your best only to be finally noticed by your parents because of your failure. A failure that you have no idea about, at that.

"I see..." Don Sullivan stared at the windows for a minute before looking at me again. "You're not gonna admit it, don't you? What are you really playing, kid?"

I heavily sighed my frustration out. "Wala akong maintindihan..."

"Kung hindi pa pinost ni Daisy 'yung malaswang picture mo with a guy, hindi pa namin malalaman." He uttered disgustingly. "You're a disgrace to this family, Solana. Nakakapangsisi na inampon ka pa namin."

I stood frozen infront of them. My stomach churned as my whole body weakened out of shock. As much as I wanted to defend myself for the truth, but my words faded in every second that passes by.

Tila ba'y nabibingi ako sa lakas ng pagkabog ng dibdib ko hanggang sa may biglang dumating. It was Daisy and her parents, Sullivan's far relatives na pilit sinisiksik ang sarili sa kayamanan ng pamilyang 'to.

"Madamme, Sir. Narito na po kami." Basing on her slightly high pitched voice, it was Daisy's mother, Arlene, who spoke. "Kami na po ang humihingi ng pasenya sa naging asal ng anak namin."

I'm deaf with my own emotions, but I can really hear her, crystal clear.

Don Sullivan welcomed them on the living room while I can see at the corner of my eye how Arlene and Doña Sullivan talked while looking at me from time to time. Nagbubulungan sila kaya hindi ko marinig ang pinag-uusapan nila, tanging pagtango at pagtapik lang ng Doña sa babae ang naintindihan ko.