Suddenly, all these phases in my life only leads me nowhere.
Nasaan nga ako ulit? Andito ako't nagtatrabaho instead of finishing my school para tustusan ang mga sarili kong pangangailangan.
Growing up, I was always that girl in her room looking at the outside, observing other people and thinking how would it feel like to live like them and not as an adopted child of a wealthy family.
How would it feel like if I didn't pursue my dreams before to become rich and sassy because I can have all those luxuries—because as I look back at it now, it turns out that money will only really hide what you really want deep inside your heart.
Because for some reason, you just can't have it—and it's your peace of mind, and the love you never got.
I keep on scrolling on my laptop as I continued reading an article about Sullivan's business who's at the higher risk of bankruptcy. Marami na rin kasing nga empleyado ang nagra-rally sa labas dahil sa hindi maayos na pagpapasweldo ni dad at sa pagiging toxic nito na boss.
Honestly speaking, he was never really like that at all—he's actually my go to person when Celine was born dahil naramdaman ko talaga sa kaniya ang pagiging considerate and kind dad.
I think I might've known the reason why... but I don't wanna talk about it.
I sighed against my heavy chest at sinubukang waksiin sa ala-ala ko kung paano kami nag-usap ni Celine the last time.
It was half past twelve when I walked along the hallway when I noticed her room that is slightly opened. Susubukan ko sanang silipin kung naroon ba siya sa loob nang may narinig akong mga pag-uusap sa dulo ng hallway kaya wala sa sariling nagtungo na lang ako roon.
"...we already adopted her, she's also our daughter now kaya may karapatan na tayo sa katawan niya," a voice of a woman whispered loudly.
"But—"
"Oh please, Ferdinand. I can't bear losing another child this time around so please let me do what I want to do."
"Even if you're going to kill someone just for her? Sa tingin mo ba sasaya si Celine sa gagawin mo?"
After that voice scared off the crippling argument that longed to resurface, mom got silent.
The whole world in me got silent for a moment until soft footsteps echoed along the dark and empty hallway.
She was wearing a white night gown and with the help of the moonlight passing through the huge windows, I saw her gesturing me to be silent and to follow her to the stairs leading to our living room.
"Celine..." I greeted, but she remained silent while spacing out by the railings.
"You heard it too, right?" She suddenly spoke.
Napakunot ang noo ko dahil sa narinig as I tried to process what I just heard kanina. Kagigising ko lang kasi from a short nap dahil nag-aaral ako para sa upcoming exams namin next month kaya aminadong lutang na lutang ako ngayon.
"They want to literally pull your heart out to replace mine as soon as possible, Solana."
"What?"
Pakiramdam ko may pumutok sa katinuan ko dahil sa narinig. I said it way too loud that I can still hear the echoes of my voice until now.
"They can't find an immediate donor, Lana. Dad's been doing everything he can so we could find a susceptible one, but to no avail..." she's talking way too fast. An indication of being tensed dahil bumukas ang pinto sa kabilang dulo ng hallway as we heard dad's voice calling both of our names.
"Promise me, Solana. You won't. I can never live a life knowing that I stole it from someone. To hell with being alive if it means losing you, i'd rather die than to woke up one day and I might never see you again."
"Tumakas ka, ate..."
"I don't have to." Napailing ako sa suhestiyon niya kasi... Why would I? Stressed lang talaga si Doña Sullivan sa situation, but she's not a murderer. She's not going to kill me—but I guess i'm wrong.
Nang makarting si dad sa amin, we heard a painful shriek from the master's bedroom. She's hysterically screaming a name I always heard before when I first came here.
"Rachelle! Please, don't take your little sister with you. She's all that I have now..."
"I will offer you someone who's much better. Her name is Solanna, just not Celine... Not my baby... Not again..."
Hindi ako nakaimik at nanatili lang akong nakatitig sa kawalan dahil sa narinig. Everything around me became a background noise of my thoughts screaming out for answers until a slap on my arm called me back to reality.
"If this is still not an enough reason for you. I will have no choice but to rule out your life with misery. Baka nakalimutan mong kaya kong mapasunod si Daisy? She has a huge hatred for you afterall..."
Napakurap ako at napailing as I tried to erase that memory inside my mind.
It was the creepiest thing I ever experienced my whole life. But if that experience ain't crazy enough yet, then maybe my delusions would justify it all.
I just heard Alyster's voice again around me. Nagsimula ang lahat ng 'to nang marinig ko ang boses niya while I was staring at the sunset kanina. It turns out it was the guy I had a slight crush on the frst time I met him before my work orientation, Cyriel.
I've never been this empty... Never been far from getting worst.
Unless i'd find something to mask my sadness...
------------
I was walking along the pathway made of cobblestones when my mind wandered off again towards seeing Cyriel on that place where I first met him.
I could vividly watch him in my thoughts, imagining he's fixing the bushes and plants around while being topless. If someone might go through my mind right now, i'd probably become an instant butt of the joke.
But that's not the case here... Because I am really seeing him right now without wearing any shirt... Just plain lose pants—what the heck?
Agad akong napaiwas ng tingin at dali-daling naglakad patungo sa main cottage para sana mag time in.
"Solana!" he suddenly called dahilan para mapatigil ako.
"Pakikuha nga ng mga tali na nasa paanan mo, hindi ko kasi pwedeng bitiwan 'to at baka mabali," pagsuyo niya pa. Napayuko ako para tignan ang tinutukoy niya dahilan para mapahinga ako ng malalim bago siya sinunod without even looking at him as I was walking towards his direction.
"Oh." Pag-abot ko sa mga tali at akmang aalis na kaagad when his hands caught mine and held on it tightly.
"Sorry, wait. Pakihawak muna ng stem nito habang tinatali ko. Baka kasi tuluyan nang mabali, sayang kasi... ang ganda pa naman ng bulaklak," he said in a gentle voice. Hindi niya parin binibitiwan ang kamay ko dahilan para mapatingin ako sa kaniya.
That's when I realized he was staring at me the whole time. He didn't even falter when I pulled back my hand harshly dahil sa gulat at ngumisi lang sa naging reaction ko.
"This is called peace lily. Parang ikaw..." he trailed off so I knitted my brows out of mixed curiosity, confusion... and this unexplainable palpitation...
"You're the source of my peace..."
YOU ARE READING
Lana Series #4: Summertime Sadness
Random[On-Going] Solana is an orphan and a former homeless child before she was brought to an orphanage. She was known to be the sweetest and most obedient girl, so when a rich couple came by, they decided to adopt her. However, Solana grew up in the wors...
