Sarah Paulson Mental Health One Shots

I tried momma, I tried. - Tammy

TW Breakup, arguing
Prompt: You get broken up with, after being in a toxic relationship, and your mom Tammy is there to comfort you.

I just got broken up with and there was a lot of things I didn't get to say. This chapter is probably the most closure i will get. I APOLOGIZE FOR HOW LONG THIS IS 🫠

ALSO italics are Y/Ns thoughts

Y/N

I was sitting at the kitchen counter as my mom was preparing dinner. My girlfriend, Maddi, was coming over any minute now to hangout.

We've been dating for 5 months now. I would say we are pretty serious, we say I love you's, plan our futures, write cringy love letters, things we made ours.

Recently though, Maddi has been off. We both are going through so much, it's not fair to either one of us, but I can't help but wonder that I am the problem. No matter what I do, I can't make her happy, content. I have tried to give her space, advice, extra love, a safespace to talk, everything. I feel like I can't be myself around her anymore. I feel like at any waking moment, I will upset her. I thought that the best way to help the situation is to not share with her the vulnerable parts of my life, to hide my pain.
It still hurts though, she used to be thoughtful with her words, loving and delicate, write sweet messages, but one day it just stopped.

I didn't feel like she was my girlfriend anymore. Our relationship simply became her relationship.
Our love was fading. I knew that.
I just want to love her as long as she'll let me.

"Will Maddi be eating with us, Sweetie?" My mom questioned preoccupied chopping vegetables.
"Yeah... I think so." I sat scrolling on my phone until I heard the doorbell. "She's here!" I jump up from my seat and run to the door, opening it.

"MADDI!!" I smiled brightly and gave her a kiss. She softly smiled, "Hi, Y/N."
I giggled closing the door behind us. I took Maddi's hand and ran up the stairs to my room.

When we got in my room Maddi sat on my bed and sighed.
"is everything okay babe?" I questioned concerned. She seemed off. She just shook her head.
"I'm sorry babe. I'm always here if you need to talk, I love you." I didn't want to smother her with questions because she always rejected me, but I also didn't want to seem like an asshole and not say anything.

"We need to talk."
fuck.
"Yeah of course, what's up?" I sat beside her on the bed looking down at my hands.

"I'm done."
I knew it. Breaking up slowly was no easy thing to do, only now it feels real.

"Maddi- I.. I-" She quickly cut me off and tears formed in my eyes.

"No. Just save your sorries Y/N. I am tired of it. I am tired of trying to be enough for you,"

But you are enough.

"You are cold and you are distant. You just push me away,"

I did that for you. I didn't want to burden you with my own problems, it's not fair.

"I needed you and you hurt me. I've done nothing to you, I don't deserve to be treated this way."

I gave you all of me.
I gave you all of my love.
I needed you too.

She waited for me to say something, but words weren't forming. Only tears, that fell down my face.
She sighed and started out the door, "W-wait please no. don't leave." I cried wiping tears from my face. I followed her as she walked down the stairs. "Please. I'm sorry, please. Can we talk this out atleast? Just listen to what I have to say?"

She made it to the bottom of the stairs and stopped in her tracks, "What, Y/N? I told you, save the sorries."

I nodded my head and wiped my tears trying to collect myself enough to form words.
"Okay, I gave you a chance to speak. I'm leaving now."

She was being cold. She was being distant.

I started to feel hurt, upset, angry even. It is not fair for her to pin all of our relationship problems on me. How come there's only blood on my hands? We both messed up. I am even willing to own up to my own faults, I know I messed up, I know i'm not perfect.

"No. Y-you aren't going to leave. You are going to listen, okay? I'm tired of never speaking up for myself. And I at least deserve my side of the story spoken, closure for ME."

Maddi looked shocked and just looked at me. I took a deep breath and continued, "Isn't it fucking ironic how you made this whole fucking agrument about yourself? It's always about YOU. I tried to ignore it, but I didn't feel loved by you. I GAVE YOU MY FUCKING EVERYTHING. ALL OF ME. I AM EXHAUSTED. I AM TIRED. I AM UPSET. YOU BROKE ME TOO. YOU FUCKING HURT ME. YOU ARENT THE ONLY PERSON GOING THROUGH SHIT. AND ITS NOT FUCKING FAIR YOU HOLD ME RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR HAPPINESS. FOR YOUR TRAUMA. I MEAN, IS THAT LOVE TO YOU?
BECAUSE THAT IS FUCKING SAD.
I SACRIFICED MY PEACE AND MY COMFORT, FOR YOU.
FOR YOU.
SO DONT GIVE ME THAT BULLSHIT. BUT THIS TIME, YOU WALKED AWAY. I TRIED TO HOLD THIS RELATIONSHIP TOGETHER. BUT ITS NOT FAIR THAT I WAS THE ONLY ONE TRYING. YOU RUINED VALENTINES. YOU MADE ME FEEL TERRIBLE FOR GETTING HELP. TERRIBLE.
I WAS TRYING TO GET BETTER, FOR YOU. BUT WHAT DID YOU DO FOR ME? NOTHING. FUCKING NOTHING MADDI. YOU COULDVE AT LEAST PRETENDED TO CARE. YOU MADE ME FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT MYSELF. YOU MADE ME FEEL SMALL. MADE ME FEEL I WASNT WORTHY OF BEING CARED FOR. YOU. YOU DID THAT.
AND YOU WONDER WHY I SHUT YOU OUT- BECAUSE EVERY FUCKING TIME I RAN TO YOU, MY GIRLFRIEND THE ONE THAT SHOULD BE THERE THROUGH THICK AND THIN, WAS NON RESPONSIVE.
YOU WERE COLD. YOU WERE DISTANT.
YOU DIDNT FUCKING CARE. ONLY ABOUT YOURSELF. AND I CANT TAKE CARE OF TWO PEOPLE ON MY OWN. I WAS YOUR GIRLFRIEND. NOT YOUR THERAPIST, NOT A PUNCHING BAG. I AM A HUMAN. I HAVE FEELINGS. IM TIRED OF BEING FUCKED OVER BY EVERYONE IN MY LIFE. AND I KNOW I MESSED UP. BUT I APOLOGIZED, AND TRIED TO CHANGE, YET AGAIN, FOR YOU. YOU COULD NEVER FUCKING ADMIT WHEN YOU WERE WRONG.
IM FUCKING DONE. IM DONE.
FUCK YOU MADDI.
FUCK YOU."
I was trembling over my words out of breath. Both of us were speechless. "fuck you."

My mom hurriedly ran into the room, "Maddi, you need to leave. Now."
"I-Y/N.." Maddi was crying, but I didn't even notice, I just fell to the floor and broke into a sob.

"MADDI, LEAVE." my mom yelled.

I heard the front door open and shut, goodbye Maddi.

"Honey." My mom sat on the ground and pulled me into a tight hug swaying back and forth trying to calm me down.
"I am so sorry, sweetheart. You tried your hardest to stay strong. I am very proud of you for that. You didn't deserve that, okay?"
I just sobbed and momma kissed my head.

"I know it hurts now, but just think of all the times she's hurt you. Do you really want to continue to be in that pain? This will pass, Honey. You give so much love to people and this world, and if she doesn't give you the time of day to ed knowledge that, she doesn't deserve you."

"I tried momma, I tried." I hid my face in her neck.

"I know baby. And momma is so very proud of you. You're so strong. And I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself. Maybe drop the bad language, but I am very proud."

We both giggled and she wiped my tears, "How about moms secret special breakup movie night and we can order in some food?"
"but you cooked dinner already."
"Y/N, forget about that. Spinach casserole doesn't even sound good at the moment. Soooo what do you say? Girls night?"
I gave her a funny look and laughed, "Mom what on earth are you talking about.."

"Look all I am saying is, me, you, icecream, chinese takeout, and sandra bullock movies. We could even invite Debbie and Lou."

I smiled, "You don't have to ask me twice!" Momma giggled and kissed me all over my face. "Thank you momma, I love you."

She hugged me so tight I could barely breathe, "You are so very welcome my beautiful and strong girl. I love you more than anything on this earth Y/N."