Sarah Paulson Mental Health One Shots

I love you always - Sarah Paulson

TW: Talk of Mental Health
Prompt: You and Sarah's relationship has started to become serious, so you decided to have a difficult conversation sharing your personal struggles with mental health.

Sarah and I have been going out for a few weeks now. She's amazing, the most perfect girlfriend in every way. I'm scared i'm going to fuck things up with her though. I've been holding off on sex and romantic things because I don't want to grow too attached, I think I am falling in love with her.

So, that's why I set up a date with her tonight, to tell her about my mental health. I'm scared she will leave once I do.
I've put this conversation off for a while because I didn't want to ruin a good thing. I feel like my mental health is a whole other person and package that comes along with me.

I arrived at the restaurant a few minutes before Sarah.

"Sar.. hi," my voice laced with worry but also a glimmer of hope. I rose from my seat and hugged her.

"Hi honey," she wrapped me in her arms and gave me a kiss on the head before pulling back, looking in my eyes.
Her eyebrows furrowed "Are you alright, Sweetheart? You doing okay?" as she talked, she pushed my hair behind my ear.

I nodded with a simple "Mhm!". With the expression on her face, I knew she didn't believe me but thankfully she didn't push or ask any questions.

We both sat down and asked the simple questions, just dancing around the elephant in the room.

"Hmmm... I am thinking about getting the vegetarian coq au vin. Maybe with some red wine?"

I hummed a light response, pretending to look invested in the menu. Luckily for Sarah, I am a terrible liar when it comes to her.

She sighed and pushed my menu down, so we met face to face. She gave me a sad smile and studied my eyes.
My anxiety took over, so I diverted my gaze to anywhere but her.

"Bad day, baby?" I felt her caring eyes on me.
I shrugged.

"Baby, im here. right now. In this room. with you. I know you get fearful... that you're burdening me with your problems, but I can assure you that isn't the case. I want to go through this with you, Y/N."

My hands covered my face as I took a deep breath in, "I'm sorry, Sarah. I am just overwhelmed. And this menu is too much. I don't know what I want and it's stressing me out. I'm sorry." After I ranted, I stared at her to see her response. She probably thought I was crazy.

"Well... how about I order for you? Would that help?" She reached over the table and took my hand in hers, giving it a light squeeze.

I nodded and whispered, "ye-yes...i'm sorry Sar." I pulled away from her covering my face in my hands again. "Hey, hey, hey. No more sorries. Let's see..." I saw Sarah skimming through the menu, "You love salads, how about the strawberry kale salad? Without the almonds, I know you dislike them. Then a glass of red? Does that sound okay Hun'?" I nodded and smiled at her, fidgeting with my hands.

As time went on, the waitress took our order. I listened to Sarah talk about this new movie she signed onto. Something about a super hero? Honestly, I was half listening try to muster up the courage to speak.
"...Well anyways, I go in for the first table read in about a month. I am very excited- Our food! I'm starvinggggggg" Sarah put her hands together basically eyeing down the food. The waitress placed our meals in front of us and left.

I took a sip of my wine as Sarah dug into her meal. She whined, "This is spectacular. Do you want a bite baby?" I shook my head, swirling my glass. She stopped chewing for a second and eyed me, looking puzzled. Putting her fork down, she wiped off her mouth with a towel.
"Is something wrong with your food? You're not touching it.." She smiled furrowing her eyebrows.

I placed my glass on the table and broke down crying. "Sarah I can't do this. I am so sorry."
She ran over to me and crouched down on her knees. Placing my hands in hers, "Hey, hey, breathe okay? In for five, out for five. Can you do that for me?"
I nodded, regulating my breathing. "Could we go outside and talk?" I nervously looked around at everyone in the restaurant. Sarah quickly agreed and walked us out of the restaurant, guiding us to a bench. She pushed my hair behind my ear waiting for me to talk.

"I wanted to talk to you about-" my voice started to break, "Oh god i'm so sorry. I'm so anxious talking about this" I started to pick at my hands, but she quickly took note placing her hand in mine, "I wanted to talk to you tonight about me. Just about, you know, what I struggle with. I struggle with anxiety and depression, i'm in recovery from an eating disorder." I took a deep breath in, looking ahead avoiding her gaze, "This is beyond embarrassing to share with you. That's why i've just been avoiding sex and stuff. I am not just a girlfriend. I'm a girlfriend with a shit ton of problems. I go through waves of struggle, I just don't want to scare you. I don't want you to see me differently. I just want to be honest with you. Sarah, you are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I want you to only have the best. If this isn't what you want, I totally understand. I am a lot. I just want you to know that no matter what, I love you. I love you so much." This was the first time i've openly shared my issues, it's also the first time i've said I love you. I quickly wiped the tears off my face.

I felt a wave of disappointment when I was met with silence. I looked over at Sarah and quickly realized she had been crying. "Y/N, this is NOTHING to be ashamed of. Your struggles do not define our relationship and sure as hell does not define you. Do you know what I see in you? Regardless of your struggles? I see a beautiful girl, a talented, kind, funny, insightful, and strong girl.. my beautiful beautiful girl." She wrapped her arm around me kissing my head, "And now that I am aware, I want you to promise me that you'll speak up in what you need. I never want to do something that creates anxiety. If you want to eat at home, need accountability, need someone to confide in, you tell me okay?" I nodded crying. "I love you, my darling. I love you on your best days and your worst. I love you when your strong and when your vulnerable. I love you always. You are the best thing to happen to me, I am in this with you. No matter the season."
I wiped her tears kissing her, "I love you" we both giggled, "I love you too baby"

WOAH it's been a hot minute but I wrote this way back when and decided to finish it. I hope you have a wonderful holiday! You are loved. 🩷