Sarah Paulson Mental Health One Shots

I believe so, Babydoll. - Billie Dean

TW: Eating Disorder

I am actually going to residential soon for my ED and i'm extremely nervous. I've been in another level of care for sometime but my team just thinks i need some additional help, so this is a bit of a rant post. I hope you like it though!

Backstory: Billie Dean, Y/Ns mom senses something is up and comes to find out she has an Eating Disorder and needs professional help.

I just want to say this story is about eating disorders and can be kind of unsettling so please read at your own discretion.

Y/N
I laid in bed quietly, checking the time on my phone. It was midnight.
I could hear my mom quietly tiptoe outside of my room, turning off the hallway light. She's going to bed. Finally. She's always up late working or watching trash TV.

I've made it a routine every night, after my mom goes to sleep, to purge and take laxatives. Sometimes if I had enough energy, I would sneak out and go for a run.
I don't know why I do it, I mean I know it's not normal, but I can't help myself. If I am being honest, I don't want to be helped. I finally have control over one thing and I can see the progress. My weight is finally getting to where I want it.

I've been able to keep it a secret for almost a year now, and I plan to keep it that way.

I slowly crept out of bed and got my phone flashlight out helping me to my bathroom.

I turned the bathroom light on.
I locked the door.
I turned on the sink.

I attempted to purge quietly until my body couldn't take anymore. I flushed the toilet and went over to the sink.

I looked in the mirror studying my face. I looked tired, numb.
My face was hollowed, yet puffy. All the color was extracted from me.
I looked like a ghost, that ironic considering my moms job.
I cupped my hands taking water from the sink, swishing it around in my mouth and spitting it out. I did that for a few times before turning the sink off satisfied.

As I left the bathroom, I headed for the kitchen. I used my phone flashlight to see, and was careful to be quiet knowing my moms room was near the kitchen.

I pulled a stool over to the medicine cabinet and climbed up the chair.
I opened the cabinet looking for the laxatives. I kept them in a specific spot so I wouldn't make a lot of noise, but they weren't there.
"What the fuck?" I whispered to myself. I rummaged through the cabinet throwing medicine around, unaware of the noise I was creating.
I started to freak out until the kitchen light flickered on.
"Doll, what are you doing?"
I stopped in my tracks and froze. Of course she would find me like this.
"Oh nothing mom, I have- I- I have.. a headache. I just needed to find some Advil.." I picked up a bottle of Advil, "Found it!" I attempted to smile, to ease her suspicions.

"You were looking for laxatives, weren't you?"
My eyes widened as I looked at her, she had her arms crossed but she looked scared.
"No, mom. Why would I need laxatives?" I laughed a little to break the tension.

I got off the stool and slowly attempted to walk away, "You know mama, I am actually really tired and I don't feel well, I think i'm gonna head to bed. I love you so much. See you in the morning?" I was walking away from the scene before she stopped me.

"You know I love you so much, Pumpkin, but no ma'am. Come sit. Talk to mommy."
She sat herself at the dinner table, pulling out a chair for me as well.
"It's getting late mom-"
"Sit, Y/N."
I took a seat avoiding eye contact with her, although I felt her eyes on me.
I pulled my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I always did this when I undergo stress. It makes me feel safe.