Minds Eye

Intense Love

As of lately I've seen a rising issue in couples and their relationships. I've dealt with this issue many of times and I will admit that I haven't, in the past, dealt with the issue accordingly.

Here is the problem (DISCLAIMER: this issue does not apply to everyone):

When two people are in a monogamous relationship, they blind themselves together and forget themselves as being an individual person. They rely on each other so heavily to provide happiness, instead of finding individual happiness and then finding it together.
In my personal opinion, this is how the "intense" relationship is born. The sort of relationship where a bond is created and wound so tightly that the thought of breaking that bond knocks the wind right out of you. The feeling is euphoric and toe-curling. Almost like you're just feeding off of each other, breathing with only one set of lungs. It's sad to say that most of these relationships don't last. A lot of the time the end very badly and in heartbreak. In my experience, in a relationship such as this one it was great for a short time. So great that I felt desperate for affection and love because I loved what I was getting then. I accepted what I was getting and I put in no thought of what this relationship was doing to me.
Here it is, we let go of our life outside of our romantic relationship; we forget our friends and sometimes family as well. Our insecurities grow at a tremendous rate and instantly, we are no longer ourselves. Instead, we become who we are expected to be, and when we do not bend to fit the mold that is when our hearts break. And, they become "the one that got away,".

I can tell you from personal experience (see Moving On Sucks pt1, 2 & 3 in the previous Personal Freedom), that being in an intense relationship can be very exhausting. It can be traumatic, and depressing, and lonely. It may feel like the world has come to a screeching halt and our lives will never be the same because this one person is who you gave so much of yourself and you never expect to get it back.
I'm here to tell you the ugly truth. That part of you, the part that fell in love, you will never get back. That open space in your heart, will grow into something new. Something even more experienced and powerful. In truth, you don't want that You back. When you realize that the person you once were, was in fact a person you do not even recognize, you see that you are stronger without it.
You are growing every second. That open space in your heart won't be open for long. Someone else will come along and not be the one that got away. They will be even better.
The one that stayed.
However, that is not me saying that "the one that got away" is not your ONE. Maybe in a few years they will be, but at this time, the intense relationship that the two of you have isn't good for either of you.
Learning to be self sustainable may seem like a very harsh way of saying "I don't need you," when in all actuality you're saying "I'm learning to love myself so I can love you too,". There is nothing wrong with being self sustainable or strong. It is actually better for a relationship if you are. It may open up so many doors for you and your partner.
May I also debunk the myth that there can only be one strong person in a relationship or that one person must be a leg, someone must be carried. That is not what makes a relationship at all. In my opinion, individuality and communication is what makes a relationship (or at least mine). For me, it is important to me now that I be who I am and only that, and express myself to my partner(s).
Even if insecurities reckless your brain at all times it is important to learn your own way, that works for you and your partner, to deal with them. Do not force your partner to conform themselves into something that will make you comfortable. Simply, because you may think it's their job to make you happy before themselves, or it will make you feel better about yourself. Just know that while you may feel better, it doesn't mean that in doing this you won't cause damage to your relationship. I've been in this situation and I, at the time, had no idea what to do. So I responded badly, and my relationship ended and my world did as well. Instead of asking why, I freaked out, feeling that my sense of self was in jeopardy. I felt like I wasn't expected to have self respect. When rejected the whole idea, thinking I was respecting myself by giving up this girl I was in love with, later on realized that I didn't respect myself anyway. I realize now that I was missing a lot of love for myself, and it is still taking me a while to get it back.
Don't give in, don't give up. That person may find you in a bookstore or something one day and you'll fall in love all over again. Or you will work it out right now and spend eternity together. Communication is key. It's life and so much more.

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hey you guys. I've changed so much and so quickly. I'm literally counting down the days til June 8th. (slam camp).
I'm so excited, and I've made some ruils for myself. share them later. slso, planning to get about 6 piercings this summer. so excited!!!
ima thick girl, but I look hot in a bikini