Minds Eye

Closure for My Love

A friend of mine, who has been very helpful to me in the last few weeks in offering me advice on things that I have a habit of dwelling on, gave me some advice that I have no idea what to do with.
We often speak of our past relationships, given that our issues are so similar, we both thought it soothing to help each other. She told me a few nights ago, after I had a long needed cry, that it was possible that I needed some kind of closure when it came to both of my Loves. She said that maybe, it would help to confess my thoughts in a neutral environment. When she told me this I became a melted popsicle. I cried and told her that there was no way I could do it with Love#2. There was no way that I could speak to her and confess all of my thoughts, feelings, regrets; everything that I had ever felt for her I could never tell her. I couldn't confess those things, it was impossible.
With Love#1 I've noticed that things are 'oh so very simple'. We comunication very well, though there may be times when things get a little more passionate than I'd like. We talk all the time and it helps; it gave me closure a long time ago to know that he was still there for me, and I him. He and I are an entirely different circumstance. Since our breakup we have understood each other better than ever before. At some point we realized that it was best for me and my mental state to remain friends. Best for him as well. We both didn't want to cut each other from our lives. Given that we both we so very significant in our pasts.
I thought about closure this morning. I thought maybe, my friend was right. Maybe the reason I still have so many strong, prominent feelings left over from my relationship with Love#2, was because I don't closure.
I was wondering for a long while, why did I think of her so much. Why do I write of her so much? Was it because I still love her? Do I still want to be with her? Could I ever be with her after everything, after being left alone? I'm sure what the answer to these questions are, but I know that I do need closure. I personally, can not just leave. I can not just forget. I must deal, shift, grow. My mind, my body, my perspective has all opened up. I have changed. So much of my soul is slowly making its way back to me. My heart is growing. I believe I have reached a place where I am capable of forgiving myself for my mistakes and forgiving others.
I have yet to reach inner peace. I am and will continue with journey forever. I believe now that I have reached a new stepping stone, I can saw that there are more stones that I must reach. Getting closure is one of those stones. I'm not sure when I'll get it, or when I'll be ready to get it, or even if I'll ever get it, but I know that it will help me with my journey, and who knows maybe it'll help her as well.
I truly feel that it may help me further to move on from her, and to move on into a life where I am more accepted and I have more acceptance for myself. It is a slow moving process that I welcome with open arms. It's isn't at all easy but I am willing to take it day by day.

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