haunted ; byler

4.its not real

-
then it's over,he's driving me home. I look over at him, the red light washing his face, the odd silence of the roads. the wind hitting against the car window.

you stop the car, and I don't want to leave but I have to go.

he kisses me, in his car and I can't help but think, this is all my lifes leading to
-

but it's not real.

he's driving me home, I try to wince my eyes open but they're winced shut.

I managed to open my eyes anyway. every dream so far has led to it becoming reality sooner or later.

that's just something to hope for, im living the exact moment as in my dream but somehow,

I'm not as nervous or happy of anything.its a jittery feeling of happiness and confidence.

and just a little feeling of knowing, he likes me back. but he likes me back?

he likes me back, it's unrealistic, it's amazing. there's no real way to describe the feeling, it's just there.

i flinch my head to the window admiring the trees blended in with the night sky passing by us.

"you're up?"

i turned back to look at him and nodded my head before realizing he can't even see me.

"yeah"

"you were knocked out for like 40 minutes, i thought you died" he joked as i laughed along, not responding to him.

"another dream i suppose?" mike questioned as i questioned myself, how does he know me so well.

maybe it's just my absurd behavior today.

"yeah, it was a nice one for once,"

"really what was it about?"

"i can't tell you."

i shrugged myself off as i felt a shiver rush down my spine, maybe from the air. bur maybe from him.

"im heartbroken," he said, sarcastically, still keeping his eyes glued forward, i always admired how he couldn't get distracted easily.

but he knows how to take his focus off when he wants to.

as soon as I know it he comes to a sharp stop, jerking us both forward. lucky thing the street was empty.

"better get going then,"

i say trying to bargain a little more time waiting for that moment. the doors click open and i don't know how to feel.

maybe i needed to get out. i opened the door, hoping he would ask me to stay.

"see you soon,"

i smiled back at him weakly,

"see you soon then", i slammed the car door shut and watched him immediately take off.

it was getting late, and what was i even thinking. everything was just a coincidence.

yeah it's just vivid dreams.

.
you know I'm not even eager to get this sand out of my fucking pants.

i just need to figure out what the fuck is going on,

"will? you're back. this late i thought you were gonna go over to mikes after as usual" my mom questioned, cutting off my train of thoughts as she walked out of the kitchen.

"not today, no, i just want to get to bed," i replied, smiling walking off upstairs, making no attempt to bid her goodnight. god knows if i'll even have a good night.

.

i walked out of the shower heading for my desk instead of my bed, i slid into the cornered space not even sure why i chose to sit here.

but sure enough, a memory caught up with me. i had a diary when i was 10 keeping track of all my wacky dreams. now im 17 keeping track of all my wacky dreams.

i bent under the desk, conveniently grabbing the box that contained all my old, very empty journals.

i picked out the one, thick green book just like it was fresh out of my memory. a thin layer of dust rested on top of the notebook, that i quickly dusted off.

i flipped open the book leaving the open box of journals on the floor unattended. i flipped through a few pages of entries from years ago. by a few i mean 4. i am not consistent.

i grabbed a pen from the floor that i had spotted while pulling out the box.

and started writing.