Beneath the Urban Stars

3: Just Can't Forget

The night before the incident occurred was strange, very strange.

It was as if the universe was trying to communicate something to me, but I could not decipher the message. I remember feeling a sense of unease that I just couldn't shake off. The air was thick with something inexplicable, and I felt like a storm was brewing. Little did I know that what was about to happen would change everything.

Looking back, I can now see how that night was a turning point in my life, a moment when everything I thought I knew was challenged, and I was forced to look at things from a different perspective.

I still wish I would have handled things differently. If I could go back in time, I would have at least reacted differently that first time. And maybe, just maybe, if I had noticed all the signals I would have been able to notice how things were turning worse and worse with every second that passed.

Every single night I would do my usual routine on the bus. I would take out my sketchbook and start drawing, or I would pull out my notebook and write down my thoughts, or would simply sit there and reminisce about the day.

Even though it wasn't always what I wanted to do, it had become a sort of ritual for me, a way to unwind after a long day.

And everyone knows that following a ritual can be comforting and therapeutic. It was a time for me to reflect on my experiences and process my emotions, which helped me to feel more centered and grounded. As I gazed out the window and watched the world go by, I felt a sense of calm and peace wash over me. It was the only time I had to feel, without the constrains of the outside world pestering me.

Before that point, I had never paid attention to my surroundings while on that bus. Why would I? I was always lost in my own thoughts, trying to decompress and figure out how I felt. The bus rides had become my sanctuary, the only time of the day when I could truly relax after a stressful day at work. But as time went by, I started to feel an inexplicable sense of discomfort. Something within me was changing and it was becoming increasingly difficult to process my thoughts and feelings.

Life was often overwhelming for me. The hustle and bustle of people going about their day, the constant honking of cars, and the incessant chirping of birds became too much to handle at times. While others might find these little details beautiful, they felt like a burden to me, especially during certain occasions. The weight of these negative emotions slowly ate away at me, and I found myself struggling to cope. In those moments, it felt like the world had turned against me, and that nobody understood what I was going through.

It was a lonely place to be, and I often wondered if things would ever get better.

During most of my life, I had a difficult time balancing work and personal relationships. I felt as though I was going through the motions, like a robot programmed to act a certain way and say certain things.