Beneath the Urban Stars

6: Curse of the Dreamer

But I didn't.

I didn't feel anything, not a single thing.

I cannot recall the exact amount of time that had passed since he had left. My memories of it kept getting hazier over time. When he exited through the door, I remained in my seat, frozen and unable to move. For what felt like an eternity, I sat there, my mind completely blank and devoid of any coherent thought. The sudden realization I wasn't in my regular bus ride still was sinking through my bones and it scared me.

Did that mean that every single time I saw him I had been asleep?

Brains like to trick us, it happens all the time. They can make you feel all kinds of things, even things that seem like they're not real. It's true that the more you're around certain stuff, the more likely your brain is to make it a part of your experience, even if you're not paying attention. Maybe I was seeing him so much in my regular commute, that started actually dreaming about him. Maybe that last exchange was my mind trying to play with my senses. But deep down everything that he said made more sense than I wanted it to make, like an answer I didn't know I was waiting for.

"Jasper." I whispered his name to the small opening of the window. I could almost see it floating away, carried on by the misty clouds that had become so notorious.

I was alone in the bus, a bus that wasn't real. It was a strange one, with a surreal quality to it that left me feeling uneasy. With people that were not real surrounding me all over. In a route that wasn't going to take me anywhere. What was I supposed to do then?

Despair washed over me. I longed for someone to talk to, to guide me through this strange and unfamiliar place. I longed for him, and I didn't know how I felt about that.

No one would talk to me, there was no strange notebook to try to decipher, not a driver to guide me. I closed my eyes and tried to think about everything that I ever wanted to do in my wildest dreams, following what he said.

I tried to think about him again, in an effort to make appear out of thin air. I wished for the sunset to bathe everything with it's pink light, for anything that was at least a little bit entertaining. Something that made me feel at least a little bit less afraid.

The truth is that the whole concept wasn't all that abstract to me. My whole life I had been deep into everything unknown. Astral projection, witchcraft, subliminal messages, reality shifting, Mandela effects, conspiracies, paranormal activities, para-science, lucid dreaming.

Every single piece of media that could possibly talk about the existence of something else out there, something hidden from the common eyes, I would devour it. Yet, I only had a little bit of luck in a few instances trying stuff for myself. Had never shifted or seen a ghost. I also couldn't convince my friends Britney did in fact have a microphone in the Oops I Did it Again video. My life consisted in practicing law of attraction, and listening to specific and curated lists of subliminal messages that would make it better.