Beneath the Urban Stars

17: Joyful Eden

::: warning ⚠️ This chapter contains a detailed sex scene. If you do not wish to read the details, there will be a divider separating it from the rest of the chapter. You may skip ahead to the next chapter once you see it, if you prefer.:::

Just keep breathing.

It was the only logical thing I could have done, given the situation. After much contemplation, I decided to go back to my roots and attempt to lucid dream, almost as if trying to force myself to it. That same night, however, was a total mess.

I found myself unable to focus, feeling overwhelmed by the whole situation with Chiara. Despite my best efforts, I couldn't shake the feeling that time was running out and that I needed to act quickly. And that defeated the purpose, it was absolutely impossible to relax.

I didn't even dream that night, it was mostly like passing out in the sofa. When I woke up, I was disoriented and had fallen to the floor. First at 3 am, then at 5. I couldn't shake the feeling of confusion and disorientation for the rest of the day. It felt like a blur.

Despite my best efforts, I couldn't help but think about her constantly. It was as if nothing else mattered, and everyone else around me was just a background character in my own personal drama.

I knew that this level of obsession was unhealthy, but I couldn't help myself. It was the only way.

The next day, I decided to perform a ritual, the whole notebook thing again. I went through the whole thing I had learned years ago, focusing on visualizing myself climbing up 100 stairs while controlling my breathing. In order to ensure that I was doing everything correctly, I even tried getting into the starfish position so that none of my limbs would touch. I made sure to follow all the tips and tricks outlined in any possible book and website I knew.

My goal was the white room, the waiting room.

It was the place where I usually went whenever I wanted some complicated dream to play out in a very specific way inside my head. The vast emptiness of the space allowed me to let my imagination run wild and explore new ideas with no boundaries. It was like a blank canvas from where I could start creating and building entire worlds of my own.

Somewhere I promised myself I would never go back after I realized I was losing touch with reality. But she was worth it though, and I would do it again.

I took a deep breath, trying to fill the emptiness around me. The silence was deafening, and I felt alone in the world. I suddenly had the idea to place a mirror on the back wall and stare at it, hoping that my image would become clear and that I would be able to picture her on it.

It was as if all the pieces of the puzzle were scattered around me, and I needed to put them together to see the big picture.

I closed my eyes and tried to remember everything about her - her smile, the way she laughed, the sound of her voice. I wanted to make sure that if I ever found her, I would recognize her immediately. The more I thought about her, the more memories flooded my mind. I had to do it, it felt almost life or death.