AGAIN || MAYBE IN ANOTHER LIFE /Charles Leclerc/

Chapter 11

Celine

Before

It's almost been a month since the evening of my birthday, Christmas is coming and I'm late as always with the gifts. Charles and I decided to spend the afternoon shopping.
The past weeks we'd texted and seen each other practically every day, and our relationship was slowly becoming stronger. Every time we're together there's a strange tension between us, Daniel claims that the Ferrari driver likes me, and I must admit that I wouldn't mind if that were the case.
I like Charles, he's one of the sweetest and funniest guys I've ever met and I'd be lying if I said that in this month I've never thought of the two of us as more than just friends, and the idea gave me butterflies in my stomach every time. Charles, on his side, let me know he felt the same way when we talked the other night.

That's why I'm a little anxious today. After the confessions of our last call I don't know exactly what to expect.

"I hope you're not scared of dogs!" He tells me while the lift door opens, leaving us in front of his house door's.

"I love dogs, it's always been my dream to have one. But my mother's allergic, so no dog for me!" I don't even have time to set foot in the house that a big pet runs towards me and then jumps on me, making me lose my balance. I close my eyes ready for the impact with the floor, but it doesn't arrive. Two strong arms grab my waist and everything stops. My gaze finds Charles's, we stare at each other for a few moments, maybe minutes, and when Charles's face starts to get closer to mine, all the anxiety I'd felt up to that moment amplifies. When his warm breath crashes against my skin my eyes close.

Am I really about to kiss Charles Leclerc?

Apparently not

His lips almost seem to touch mine, a very light contact, perhaps I imagined it. Then I feel his face move away and I'm on my feet again.

Maybe I misunderstood, neither of us say anything, too embarrassed for what just happened. I can't say I am not upset, why didn't he want to kiss me, after everything he said to me this month?

"Sorry, Nala's always like this with new people. She's harmless, just wants to play." His dog had faded in the background, and it takes me a moment to understand what he's talking about, until the puppy rubs up against my legs looking for cuddles.

I smile and crouch down starting to fill her with caresses, at least someone will have a little love, I think.

The situation is really tense, there is strong embarrassment between us that I really didn't want to have to face today. "Charles." When he hears my voice he stops suddenly, his back's facing me, but I see him inspire deeply.

"Fancy a hot chocolate and a movie? We can go out later." He doesn't want to talk about it, and for now I let him go away with it, simply nodding.

The movie is not really great, me and Charles are seated together but it doesn't really feel right. Suddenly his hand moves in front of my eyes, looking for attention.

"You look exhausted, have you slept tonight?" I actually haven't but that's not the point now. He doesn't want to talk about what happened earlier but I do.

"Charles, I'm sorry if I misunderstood, embarrassment was the last thing I wanted between us." The lump in my throat prevents me from saying anything else, Charles shakes his head and approaches me for the second time. This time, however, he keeps a worthy distance between us.

"Cel, you didn't, you didn't misunderstand. It's just... complicated."
My heart's beating a little faster. Complicated?

"If you're worried for your job, for your fame..." His beaten tone interrupts me abruptly.

"It's not just for that, I mean also but..." His sentence is left unfinished, I really don't know what to say. I simply look at him running his hands through his hair, frustrated. Only now I remember Daniel's words from this morning. He was telling Heidi about the adventure his friend "Cha" had last night with a girl in a club. I don't want to accept that "Cha" is Charles, but possibilities of not being him are really low. And after what just happened, I want to know if it is true, if Charles had gone with someone else a few days after telling me he felt something every time we were together.

"Is it complicated because of the girl from last night?" My question leaves with no control, maybe it is not my business, I should shut up and play it cool. This month's been fantastic and I don't want to ruin everything for this stupid annoyance I feel in my chest every time I think about him with some other girl.

Jealousy? Maybe, but senseless anyway: me and Charles aren't a thing.

His expression, however, is confused, his eyebrows are furrowed while his frowning gaze falls violently on me.

"What are you saying?" I don't understand if he's being serious or he's simply pretending to not get what I'm talking about.

"This morning Dan was telling Heidi about his friend Cha's fling with a girl." Charles says nothing, he looks incredulous, perhaps guilty.

"It's not my business, if there's a girl you spend your nights with, it's not my concern, I'm happy for you." I don't know what I'm saying, of course I'm not happy for him.

"Celine." I can't hold his gaze, I can't believe he lied to me all this time.

"Celine look at me, please." I shake my head, I don't want to, I can't cry in front of him.

I feel him getting closer, not touching me, probably scared of my reaction.

"If you really think I didn't want to kiss you a few moments ago, you're crazy. God knows what I'd do to you if only you were mine. I've spent every minute of last week thinking about you but still I can't." I'm speechless, if he really feels this way why did he go out with someone else?

"I can't because I'm no good for you, you need someone who's always there in your bad moments, and I can't be him. I'm always traveling around the world and I'd hate to know that you're not okay while I'm on the other side of the planet. I've lived this before and it didn't go well, so please, please I don't want you to suffer because of me."

This is insane, he's scared I'll suffer eventually. I mean, it could happen but it also couldn't.

"Charles, that's fucked up! Have you considered what I want?" Charles is looking at me, no words leave his mouth, just a sigh.

"This month has been incredible, I feel things when I'm with you... Things I've never felt before. I don't care if in a month or two weeks the distance will prove us. I want to try, I want to make us work, I'm willing to take the risk. But if you're not, if you don't want this then is okay, I understand"

I don't. I really do not understand but that's not important right now.

"The girl, yesterday... I was trying to get you out of my mind. It didn't work. She tried to kiss me and I pictured you in my mind, when I saw her blonde hair again I couldn't do it."
I let out a breath and take a step closer to him, his face is more relaxed now, no frown on it. His hand reaches for my cheek, the contact makes me lean in his hand. My heart's going crazy, my mind stopped working a few minutes ago. I really don't know what it'll be of us after today. The only certain thing is that I'll go back home with no Christmas present.

"I want to kiss you, I wanna do it so bad even if I know Daniel will kill me after he finds out." We share a brief laugh. I'm the one who takes a step forward this time, closing the distance between our bodies.

"Then kiss me Charles." His breath is again on my mouth, I feel his heart racing with mine and my eyes close, ready to feel his lips on mine.