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˗ˏˋ andrea madden'ˎ˗
ALL MY LIFE I have been kept in the dark by my parents. I never bothered to ask why something was happening because I had the answer memorized.
When I was younger I remember a strange woman entering our home sector. She was a tall woman, had beautiful brunette hair that went past her waist. Her face looked no older than thirty-five, and it glittered against the sun. She had come inside as if she owned the place and asked my father some questions quietly. I was on my way downstairs to tell my mother we were hungry, and once I saw her I stuck by the staircase. It was shocking for little me to see my father home since he was almost always drowning himself with work. I overheard something about Anderson – which angered my father – and that was it. When I went to my mother and asked, I remember she knelt down and whispered to me very softly and close to my ear, "Don't get involved with their schemes, Andrea. It kills you the second you do." I shivered just thinking about it because I, very obviously, got strung with fathers plan, and there was nothing I could do about it. I remember getting angry with my mother, pleading for her to tell me this secret because I was curious. Curiosity killed the cat, though, because my father came into the kitchen and heard me. That tantrum cost me two days in the basement.
I was eight.
The trauma of my experience reflected onto my anger now. Warner wasn't like his or my father, but I couldn't help the words from slipping out of my mouth. They shot to kill, and instead of wounding Warner, they fueled him. He ended whatever argument I was trying to start and now I was alone in my office with nothing to do.
We never established a schedule together, nor did we ever designate jobs with each other. I realize now how stupid that was, but he was in charge of it all. He, like everyone else in my life, was in control. I thought I'd be happier here, away from my father, but I feel this quiet inside me burning alive. I feel so stupid, so ignorant for yelling and causing a scene, for becoming this person. I keep making messes inside my head with no resolution. I have the impression that the voices in my head are trying to haunt me.
I walked through the large ghost-like halls of sector 45 alone with no one beside me. When I first thought of this job I believed we would be around each other 25/7, but now I am realizing how wrong I was, and how controlling Warner is about this stuff. I guess I can't really blame him, though. As much as I may try to engrave my thoughts and feelings into his brain, I have to realize how he is already programmed and developed to always work for the reestablishment. Attempting to fix him would just damage our mutual relationship. Yet, I couldn't help but feel sorrow knowing I will be scheming all of this behind his back.
