5. Outsider

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When morning came, the sun, hidden beneath dark clouds, rose though no one could see it. Val showered and got rid of her little mustache. She swept her hair back, leaving a single strand to touch her forehead, but Juliana knew there would be a few more strands by the end of the day. Val ensconced on the couch, twirling the air with her finger as she spoke with Sophie's parents.

Juliana paced the room, feeling closer than ever to answering the mystery that had shrouded her final year of high school.

Val grunted in response to something that had been said and replied, "She doesn't want to talk to anyone from high school?" Val paused, listening to their response while raking her hand through her hair. "No. Yeah-yeah, I understand. Sorry for bothering you." She ended the call and glanced at Juliana. "Looks like she has decided to ghost everyone. What made you want to see her anyway?"

"I don't know; I guess I just wanted to know if I was capable of feeling it."

"Feeling what?"

"Love."

Val sighed. "You have never given a shit about this before, so why are you starting now?"

"I don't know. I just don't feel normal. Everywhere I look, people are dating or planning their family, and I have never felt the desire to do anything like that. I'm scared that I may never feel that way. That I'll always be different. That my life is somehow meaningless because of that." Julianna had never cried in front of Val, but now, she saw the truth. She was incapable of loving someone. She was different. Wrong.

Her father was planning an arranged marriage for her so that at least one of his daughters would be properly wed and produce grandchildren for him. But the thought of being with a man chilled Juliana's body and made the hair rise along her arms. It terrified her. She felt like she had been trapped in a glass cube and dropped into a pool. Water entered through a tiny hole, and soon her feet were covered, then her knees. Eventually, she would drown.

Tears welled in Juliana's eyes; she didn't want to marry. She didn't want to date or have children. She had thought that being with Sophie would have given her an 'out', but, in truth, Juliana wasn't sure if she would have been able to date Sophie or touch her.

Juliana didn't know what she wanted but knew it wasn't affection. Val stood, her long shirt falling around her knees while her legs drowned in an oversized pair of gray sweatpants. She walked over to Juliana and embraced her. "As your older sister—" Val began.

Juliana interrupted, "Five minutes hardly makes you older."

"I saw so much of the world before you came, so yes, I'm older and wiser, especially since my feet touched the earth before yours did."

"Go on." Juliana didn't hate this hug; Val's embrace was loose enough to comfort Juliana without strangling her.

"You don't have to force yourself to fall in love."

"But isn't that what life is about? Finding the right person to spend the rest of your life with?"

Val hummed softly, thinking. "I think life is about making meaningful connections, and positively impacting whoever you encounter. I'm not saying you have to be perfect because no one is, but being kind to someone can make a big difference in their life."

Juliana thought of the girl that had woken her after she had fallen asleep during her exam. It had felt good to know someone had been looking out for her instead of laughing at her expense. Maybe it wouldn't kill her to try being nice, at least for a little while. Juliana sniffed Val's neck, recognizing a familiar scent. "Why do you smell like my body lotion?"

"What can I say? I like the smell of cupcakes."

"Buy your own."

"You don't see me telling you to buy your own food."

"You do...."

"Oh.... In that case, from this second on, what is mine is yours and what is yours is mine."

"Bullshit."

"I swear on someone else's life that this time I mean it."

***

A/N: hope you enjoyed the bonus chapters. Not sure if I'll write a full novel based on Juliana, but in the meantime, while I contemplate, check out some of my other completed books :)

~Edan

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