𝐀𝐥𝐨𝐞'𝐬 𝐁𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧| ✓

𝐗𝐗𝐗𝐈𝐗

♡★𝓐𝓛𝓞𝓡𝓐 '𝓢  • 𝓟𝓞𝓥★♡

Hurt ~ Bahari

At first, the moment didn't feel real at all.

It felt as though it had been the worst nightmare I'd ever experienced and I desperately wanted to wake up from it. I had believed she was still alive, texting and calling her number every now and again, hoping she'd pick up.

But slowly, denial began to evaporate, getting replaced with intense depression when the realisation that Taylor was gone sunk in.

That was the hardest part ever.

I went for days without eating or sleeping, I didn’t want to talk to anyone and I stayed locked up in my room. Three quarters of my time was spent having flashbacks of the times I had with Taylor and how she hadn't deserved such an early death. I would take her clothes and hold them tight, missing her more and more until I was helplessly breaking down.

I cried until I couldn't. I cried until my tear glands were sapped, until my eyes were swollen to a point where they were painful. Every time I slept, it was torture because then, a repetition of that event would be my main dream. A recurring nightmare of what I had done.

My mom was able to give me space, but my dad was struggling with the fact that I was staying locked up in my room. He was always by my door, trying to convince me to let him in but I couldn't. I couldn't face anyone after what had happened.

Taylor was dead because of me.

Had I not been on the road, she wouldn't have been hit by that car. She wouldn't have internally bled to death right there, on the tarred road where I had convinced her she'd be fine. Where the paramedics had taken her for resuscitation.

Then I was upset. I was so angry that those paramedics hadn't been able to save her. Why did they leave her to die? Why had they been so incompetent to a point where they couldn't save an innocent soul?

Then I was angry with Drake, to the point where I hated him with every living fibre for what he had done. If he hadn't taken my ring, this wouldn't have happened. If he hadn't shown up, this wouldn't have happened. If he had stayed in fucking Malaysia, Taylor would have had the chance to live.

Then I was angry with myself. Why did I see him? Why didn't I hide in the changing rooms until he left, or why didn't I ask Andrew to lie that I wasn't there? Why didn't I stab him when I had the chance? And important of all, why did I ever give him a chance to be with me?

All those questions overwhelmed me, and eventually, I was sucked into deep, dark depression. I was so sad and empty, I cried endlessly, till all the energy in me evaporated. I cried and screamed my lungs out, hating myself and hating everyone.

Kylen always tried to get me to let him in, but I never did. All family members tried to convince me to come out and seek comfort in them instead of grieving alone, but I couldn't. I was comfortable in the depressing solitude, where I could cry my heart out and reflect in silence.