The Sea Siren

Chapter Thirty-Four

Vivian

Our eyes meet as I mix the mixture of tansy, mugwort and pennyroyal into a cup of tea with a spoon.

"That is what you take?" he asks, grabbing the tin.

I sip the tea, nodding. "One of the first lessons the madams taught me... children are a nuisance." His eyes thin uncomfortably and my head tilts, a bold, defensive feeling seizing me. "I assumed you knew."

"That you worked for them?"

"I didn't have any choice in the matter, so I wouldn't say worked. I was dropped off and raised as well as any child could be in a brothel... until I got my courses. Then I had to contribute, learn to survive because my place wasn't guaranteed anymore."

He nods, looking down. I don't understand his reaction at all.

"Does that bother you?" I ask, a hint of anger behind my words.

"Not in the way you're expecting." He inhales deeply, naked from the hips up. "I hate that my family's actions forced you into that life. I feel tremendous guilt for it."

"Don't. You had no part in it."

Between us, the contents of food we brought is spread out over the small table but the both of us have only reached for the port. My eyes observe him closely when he's too preoccupied in his mind to notice, taking in the details of his face, his body... the way the light from the single candle in this room hits him. It's hard to look away... knowing what will happen in the morning.

"I keep thinking of something," he says softly, taking back a lug of drink.

"What?"

"Before your father was imprisoned, your family lived in court." He swallows, shaking his head. "If what happened hadn't occurred, you'd probably be there still... in the role of a Lady."

"Lady Vivian Ravirac." I'm able to laugh at how absurd it sounds now but there have been many times in my life when I wished I still carried the title. "I can't even imagine that life. I was too young to ever know what it entailed."

"Dull assemblies in the throne room, for one. Lavish parties, playing cards on the veranda decks, extravagant balls that last for days... a husband of noble standing." He looks directly into my eyes and I catch the true meaning of his words. "Even a prince."

What he means is for a brief moment of my life, less than a year, we lived in a world in which we both could have been betrothed. And I realize in the entire time I've known him, I never pieced that together, not once.

And maybe a few weeks ago, I wouldn't have felt the loss as I do now.

A few weeks ago, I would have scoffed at this information, pleased to be without a single person from Vale. My revenge has always been the treasure I hold close to my broken, bruised heart. For so long, nothing else could get close.

Except now.

Despite the sick feeling that fell upon me with those revealed thoughts, I find myself trying to make light of it all, already desperate to forget he ever said those words as earnestly as he did.

I stand on my own, taking my drink with me, forcing a smile. "As if we would come together so easily, even in that imaginary scenario, Antony. You and I would tear each other apart no matter what life we met in."

My cloaked words do what I intended them to. They bring a smile back to his face. "Are we really that doomed?"

"Afraid so."

His grin widens slowly. "And just when I was starting to like you..."

I lean against the window frame, wrapped in the quilt from the bed. Other than his pants, our clothes are still drying over the fireplace. "Dare I ask you something you may not want to answer?"