The Blind Date Agreement

Sixteen

It's completely dark by the time I pull into my driveway, but my parents have left the porch lights on for me. It's late and quiet on my street, with most people having gone to bed since it's a weeknight. Emi's Porsche sits shiny and untouched by the curb.

I spent the drive mostly in silence, with the playlist low in the background and Emi's pestering to confront Kalani in the foreground. I thought the drive would give me clarity on what's going on and how to handle the situation, but it's only made my thoughts feel more jumbled. Kalani, my best friend since the second grade, set me up on bad dates on purpose, dates she forced me to go on, took a video of me and sent it out to embarrass me, and probably started all the rumors going on about me. I don't know why she's done that all, don't know why I didn't see the signs, don't know what I've done to deserve it.

I shut off the engine and Emi and I sit in silence for a few moments with our own thoughts, neither of us moving to get out.

"You know," Emi starts, "these last couple of weeks you've gotten to go out with these guys, and granted, they were mostly shit, but you still put yourself out there! And yeah, people are talking shit and acting like they've never puked out a window of a moving car before, but fuck'em. None of them know how kind and smart and funny and talented you are. None of them mean shit to you. You come to school tomorrow and hold your head high knowing you're Carina fucking Costella, and none of those shitheads at school will ever come close to your greatness."

I stare down at my hands. "You're just saying that because you're my friend."

"You're damn right I'm your friend! And know why I'm your friend? Because of all that shit I just said. You're amazing, Carina, and we're best friends for a reason. Who else will watch shitty reality television with me on mute and make up what we think they're saying? Who else will jam out to 80s rock at full blast and head bang until we give ourselves migraines? Who else would give me an entire set of portraits they painted themself and make me bawl my eyes out because they somehow made me look brave, bold, and confident, when sometimes I feel anything but?"

I don't mean to, but I suddenly start tearing up. After everything, Emi is my friend. I should've known I could be open and honest with her and she would've listened and understood. Jay was right, I need to work on communicating how I feel more, especially to the people who care about me.

"Emi, if I told you I didn't want to go on dates or have a date for prom, you wouldn't have been mad, would you?"

Emi's eyebrows draw together. "What? Of course not. I thought you didn't want to try the blind dates because you were shy and comfy in your bubble but secretly wanted to and just needed a push. But if you genuinely didn't want to do any of that and told us, I wouldn't have cared. You don't need a date to prom, I've told Kalani that countless times. No one but her cared."

Emi never cared about any of it? Thinking back, it makes sense. I wish I had taken a second to sit back and talk with her instead of assuming everyone felt like Kalani. But still, I ask, "So you don't think I'm a fifth wheel?"

"What? Who gave you that idea?"

I don't answer.

Emi's face grows grim. "Kalani, right. She said that to you?"

"Well, she wasn't entirely wrong. I do fifth wheel you guys a lot. When we're all out you're all cute with Daphne and Emmett's with Kalani and I'm just...there. She says I make it awkward because you have to worry about me."

Emi's jaw clenches. "You're only a fifth wheel if we don't want you around. We do. I don't know what's gotten into Kalani lately but she doesn't speak for everyone. You're our friend, and we don't care if you're single or not, and we definitely don't need to pawn you off to some guy for you to hang out with us, even if Jay's growing on me."