Messy

Evan

A red exclamation point.

He has the letter. He has my letter.

If the world is the same as Jared claims, Connor's going to put the letter online, and it's going to "go viral". Whatever that means. I'm not much of an internet person. I never have been and I don't think I ever will be. The internet is too open. So many choices to make and so many things from everywhere. SO many people talking about how happy they are, when I'm anything but.

Yeah. I don't like the internet.

Especially now, when so many more bad things could come from it.

Because Connor Murphy has my letter.

Therapy with Dr. Sherman yesterday was a total waste of time. He claims that I should stop worrying about the letter.

But he doesn't understand. That letter is going to come back and haunt me. Jared's probably right. He knows stuff. I expect that he's right.

I have to do something. I absolutely HAVE to do something about this letter.

Dear Evan Hansen, turns out I'm a huge loser and my life is an unforgiving nightmare that will seemingly NEVER END!

That's the basic concept of it, right?

The words are burned into my skull. I've imagined the many ways they could hurt me. That stupid letter that I wrote. Dear Evan Hansen, Dear Evan Hansen, Dear Evan Hansen. It's going to ruin me.

Just this morning, I said I was going to "reveal myself" right?

THIS IS NOT WHAT I MEANT!

I don't want to be known as the kid with the letter. It'll be my mashed potatoes. It will never go away.

I pull out my phone to message Jared. He knows stuff, like I said.

Me: What do I do?

Jared: Kill yourself? Change your name?

Me: Not helping.

Jared: I'm trying!

Me: Help me!

Jared: You could always kill Connor?

Me: Bad idea.

Jared: Amazing idea. I know how to hide bodies and stuff.

Me: I'm not going to ask questions.

Jared: I'll make the plan, you execute it.

Me: NO.

Jared: We're doing this.

Me: WE ARE NOT DOING THIS.

Jared: I mean, sure. Go ahead and let that letter

spread like COVID.

Me: Can we meet up after school tomorrow?

Jared: I normally wouldn't. But this is funny.

So why not?

Me: Okay. Where?

Jared: I'll figure that out. Don't you worry, acorn.

I sigh and turn my phone off. Am I actually going to do this? Why did I agree to this? If I get caught...

I won't. I mean, I am a good liar. Just have to not give myself up.