I was proud of my sister when she graduated. She seemed so happy that she was moving forward in her life to bigger and better things. She wanted to major in fashion.
Phoenix Drop couldn't offer her what Meteli did.
Cadenza spent that morning in a daze. Her smile was blinding, and all I could read in her eyes was her joy.
Laurance was calmer. He didn't have any speeches to deliver. He didn't have any responsibilities on singing the National Anthem. All he had to do was walk across the stage to collect his diploma and sit down.
He was happier when he had the diploma in his hand rather than when he drove to school.
His smiles were genuine. I was in charge of taking most of the photos.
I'm afraid of graduation.
Dad is too.
I graduate, and that's it. That's his last child to cross the stage with a diploma in their hand.
I'm his little girl, and I'm going to cross that stage in less than a year.
Now it's three days post-graduation. Laurance is already speaking about college, and Cadenza has finished all final exams and moved back home for the summer.
My heart beats inside my chest like it's rushing to beat a train to its destination. My stomach twists and turns in uncertainty like a car on a foreign backroad. My head swims like it's drowning in the ocean.
Why are my feet the only part of my body that knows what they are doing? I feel as though I may throw up if I open my mouth, but I need it to speak.
They suddenly stop. It surprises myself when I look up to be face to face with the door that welcomes me in. My feet have betrayed me. Or has my mind betrayed them?
Garroth is the one to open the door. I don't hear the words that come out of his mouth. He looks happy, but his expression changes to concern when he realizes I didn't hear a single word he uttered.
"I'm sorry." I shake my head briefly, as if it'll cause my brain to become clear again. "I zoned out. What did you say?"
The concern goes away, and he chuckles. Garroth moves to the side, allowing his body to motion mine to come inside. I fight my feet to remain still.
"I said 'Good morning, princess. Do you want to come in?'" He chuckles afterwards, but it quickly ends when he notices that my feet haven't moved from my spot. "Princess? Is everything alright?"
I nod. It's unconvincing. Even to myself. "Yeah, I'm okay. I think it's better if I stay out here, though."
"Did you want me to do the same?"
His eyebrows furrow together. My stomach does another flip, and my mouth has gone dry.
"No. No, I think it's better if you stay inside."
He straightens his posture and runs his hand through his hair. It becomes messy because of this. Garroth hates when his hair is messy, so I know he senses tension in the air. He moves once again, leaning against the door frame before deciding he hates that position too.
"I don't think I'm going to like where this is headed."
The script I made myself disappears. I've repeated the same words over and over again all morning, but they're of no use to me now. I can't get them out of my mouth.
"I think we need to break up."
That wasn't how I wanted to go about it.
Garroth looks taken aback. His mouth opens and shuts once again. I feel my heart beating in my stomach. I don't want to cry.
"What?"
He sounds to be in a mix of disbelief and desperation. I know it's sudden.
"I think we need to break up." I repeat myself once more. The words hurt more the second time. My voice is giving up, and it's going to take everything in me not to cry. "I-I don't want to. I love you, but we both knew this was going to happen. It was a matter of time, Gar. You're in college now, and I'm still in high school. It'd never–"
He cuts me off. Garroth reaches for me, but I retreat back. "Of course we'd work! Alex, I love you. You know I'd never cheat."
I shake my head. Tears are beginning to prick my eyes, and words are hard to form and produce orally. "I know you wouldn't. It's just. . . we're at two different points in our life. What if. . . what if we try, and it becomes too hard. Or we become two different people?"
The sight of him breaks me down further. He's desperate. His eyes are filled with tears, and his lips tremble. I never thought it'd come to this. I never thought there'd be an end to. . . us.
"I'm willing–"
It's my turn to cut him off. "No. I'm breaking up with you. Maybe, if the time is right in the future, we can get back together. But I think, for now at least, it's the end of us."
My shoulders slump. It's only now I realize I'm still wearing his jacket. I've had it for so long that parting with it may be the one real thing that breaks me. That tells me I actually ended what was between us.
I close my tears and tilt my head down towards the ground. A tear slips from my eye and trails down my cheek. I purse my lips together and feel the heavy jacket slip off one shoulder and then the next.
I don't look at Garroth when I give it back to him. I don't want to see the look on his face. I don't want to break on his doorstep.
We stand like this for moments on end before I mumbled a goodbye and he shuts the door, defeated. There's a mumbled cry from his end, and I wipe the tears out of my eyes with the back of my hands.
More comes and soon I'm walking back to my house. The walk speeds into a run. The run becomes me locking myself in my room and pressing my back against my door as I sob into my hands.
I'm so sorry, Garroth.
I never told you sorry.
