Cadenza knew where she wanted to go to college ever since she started high school. Laurance knew after colleges began taking interest in his athletic abilities. No matter how many emails I get from colleges, I don't have my heart set on anywhere.
I've stayed up at night with my laptop and notebook, jotting down notes from colleges that have emailed me. I assume they have an interest in me otherwise they wouldn't waste their time emailing. Nonetheless, most are uninteresting.
I have a good shot at getting into most colleges. I have a good GPA. I'm at the top of my class. Well, under Vylad and Kandi. I volunteer, and I've been a part of sports and afterschool activities. Part of me still worries I'll fail.
"I sent in my last application this morning."
Kandi looks content with herself. She drops her backpack by the table leg and pulls a chair out for herself. We have a study hall together, and it's assigned to be in the library.
"She did. I watched her do it."
Vylad is already sitting beside us, nose deep in a book. These two have already finished applying. I've sent in two applications already, but I've just started on my last. They could get into anything they tried for. And, as bad as it sounds, they wouldn't have to worry about the cost. Their trust funds would cover it and more.
I'll be flooding in debt.
"It surprises me you did it this morning and not last night," I say, humoring her. "Your finest works of art are conducted at night."
She rolls her eyes at this. Vylad watches as I pull out my laptop, clicking on the application I had started last night before I went to bed.
"Meteli? I didn't know you wanted to go to Meteli."
I smile awkwardly. "I'm panicking, and I thought I could definitely get into here. It doesn't hurt to have options. Cadenza says it's a nice school."
He shakes his head at this. "I don't doubt it's a nice school. Nice for her at least, but I have no doubts that you won't make it anywhere else."
I narrow my eyes. "Shut up Mr. I Left O'Khasis Prep For Phoenix Drop High. Any college would probably suck your dick to have you enroll there."
Poor choice of words. Vylad doesn't approve.
"You're stressing too much over this," Kandi says. "Just finish the application and hit submit."
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°
"I enjoy our little talks like this over dinner. I know we won't be having them as often when you graduate," Dad says. He spoons his vegetables into his mashed potatoes, combing them. "How is the college search going? Do you need any help?"
I can't help but to shake my head as I verbally decline. I don't need any more help as of right now. I applied to Meteli today during study hall.
"For now, I'm done. I just need to slowly buy everything and apply for scholarships."
He smiles at me. I've always been prepared like this. When Cadenza first started college, they waited until the last minute to buy everything she needed. Laurance, it was better. For me, who knows. Mentally, I want to be prepared. Who knows what will actually happen come the time college rolls around.
"Which schools did you apply for again?"
"O'Khasis, Phoenix Drop, and Meteli. I probably wouldn't go to O'Khasis or Meteli though." I say. "I considered Falcon Claw University, but it wasn't my thing."
O'Khasis is a private school. This means their tuition is high up there in price. I don't want to base it all on money, but it's a lot. Besides, Phoenix Drop offers the same thing as O'Khasis does.
"We'll have to start tours soon. You'll need to tell me dates so I can take off work."
I'm thankful for when this conversation ends. It doesn't last for much longer before the two of us finish eating, and dad volunteers to do the dishes. I oblige and head straight to my room.
It's only 7:30 at this point, so I text Vylad to stop by the window. I could just go out the front door. But sometimes when you feel like you're going to have a mental breakdown, roadblocks only make it worse.
"It's dangerous. Be careful, Al."
Al and Lexi. I like it. It's different from Alex. I'm always called Alex. It certainly isn't Princess. Princess hurts now.
My feet make a thump sound when they collide with the ground. I smile at him, sitting beside him at the tree.
"Nice fake smile."
I frown at this. He can tell I'm stressed out and my smile isn't real.
Vylad places his hand over mine. I think back to last year when I was convinced my relationship was failing. Spoiler alert: it did. I didn't tell him then how I felt. He told me he wanted to travel the world.
"Are you still going to travel? Skipping college?"
He looks at me for a moment. His gaze is sincere, but it doesn't linger long. "I'll attend college. You know I like to learn. Besides, I'm not going to do all this hard work only to blow it off. You know that isn't like me. I'll leave when I graduate one last time." Vylad slowly looks back at me. "What's wrong? You've been off lately."
I shrug and pull my knees to my chest. My shoulders slouch, and my arms hold on for dear life.
So I let it go. All the stress I've had. The fear. The times I've cried before sleep because I was afraid. Laurance was excited to leave. Cadenza was ready to move on. I want to stay this way for the rest of my life. I get my diploma and walk across and then what? What do I do next? Follow tikoks on what to bring to college? Cling to my brother because I don't know what to do?
Vylad pulls me closer to him. I don't fight it. The touch is comforting, and I rest my head against his shoulder.
"It's a lot of firsts. I know. It's hard. You feel like you're on your own, and you feel like you're going to fail. We'll get the hang of it."
I lift my head up in order to look him in the eyes.
"Between you and me, I don't think I'll go to O'Khasis. Mom wants me to. She thinks it'll be good for me. I may just stick with Phoenix Drop."
I nod my head. My eyes feel tired, so I let them drop into a comfortable state.
There's a hand cupping my cheek. I don't have to adjust my gaze to know it's Vylad. His face comes near mine, and my voice comes out in a weak whisper.
"Vylad. . . I'm not ready yet."
He stops moving, sharing a heavy stare between the two of us. "Who said I was going to kiss you? I'm wiping away the tear on your cheek."
His thumb flicks across my cheek, his touch soon retreating. Vylad stands, offering me a hand before retreating that as well when he sees I don't take it.
"I should go home. Mom will worry soon. Go inside. You'll catch a cold."
