Unfunny Tfp Oneshots/Bloopers

Incorrect Quotes Part 1000

Wheeljack: Go ahead, Arcee. Let it out, cry. If you don't, your tear ducts will get blocked up, and then when you get old, you won't be able to cry.
Arcee: Just when we thought it was safe to let you back into the conversation

Ultra Magnus: I think Miko is in trouble.
Ratchet: Alright. Struggling to give a fuck, if I'm honest

Raf: I'm not gonna audition.
Bumblebee: Hey, I didn't raise a quitter!
Raf: You didn't raise me at all!?!?

Orion: I turned out perfectly fine!
Ratchet: Orion, mate, this morning you thought a ghost made your toast
Orion: I DIDN'T PUT THE BREAD IN! YOU DIDN'T PUT THE BREAD IN!!

Ratchet : Are you sure you can handle Wheeljack all on your own?
Bulkhead: Yeah, he's not causing any trouble.
Wheeljack: Bro, I just tried making Eggos in microwave and I broke everything.
Bulkhead: See? Everything's going great.

Shockwave: Oh and one more thing; your name.
Starscream: What about my name?
Shockwave: It's too long. By the time I've called out look out... what's your name?
Starscream: Starscream
Shockwave: "By the time I've called... that out, you could be dead. I'll call you Screamer."
Starscream: I don't like Screamer.
Shockwave: *looks at him* It's either Screamer or Fred.
Starscream: Alright, call me Fred.
Knockout: Great! Come on Screamer.
Starscream: *wtf look*

Megatron: Stop volunteering to take your shirt off. No one's asking you to take your shirt off.
Knockout: Can't hear you, shirt's over my ears.

Someone: What do you think the Wreckers will do for a distraction?
Ultra Magnus: They'll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That's what I would do.
[building explodes whilst others are running and screaming]
Ultra Magnus: ...Or they could do that.

Optimus Prime, to his team: You always gotta stay positive!
Smokescreen, a simp: *trips down the stairs*
Smokescreen: Wow, I sure as hell got down those stairs fast!

Soundwave: *holding open a door* "After you."
Shockwave: No, after you.
Soundwave: I insist, after you.
Knockout and Starscream, holding hands: *walks through* After us.

Ratchet, drunk: Flippety Boop, Twing Twong Floopie Whopito
Wheeljack: Finally, someone speaking fragging facts for once.

Soundwave: I'm not obsessed!
Knockout: Soundwave hun, you had a nightmare so bad that the Nemesis almost crashed.
Soundwave: and?
Knockout: You were dreaming about Megatron making you take a vacation.
Soundwave: Yeah, TO FRANCE!
Knockout: We both know that France has nothing to do with this.

Jack: My mum told me that if I'm not nice to you then she'll beat me.
Starscream: ...
Starscream: I'm touched but why the hell does your mother care about me?
Jack: Something about being a better person.

Soundwave: You ever get so tired that you start sprouting nonsense and jumping to conclusions?
Knockout: Heh yeah, that sounds like when I get drunk.
Soundwave: Are you accusing me of drinking on the job?
Knockout: Get your aft in your berth or I'll hold Laserbeak hostage.

Wheeljack: Man, I just found this awesome list of quick ways to make money!
Ratchet: *uninterested* Ok?
Wheeljack: Check this out: Sell blood or non-vital organs!
Ratchet: Sell them your processor, you ain't using it.

Miko: People always see me as a dumb blonde.
Raf: ...because you are.
Miko: I'm Asian, I have black hair!
Raf: I was talking about the being dumb part, which you just proved.

Ultra Magnus: So, the energon mine was coincidentally right next to the huge bonfire that burnt down three houses... you definitely didn't start it?
Wheeljack and Bulkhead, both covered in soot and burn marks: Nope.

June: I'm sorry.
Fowler: Huh?
June: I said I was sorry.
Fowler: Um, thanks?
June: Oh not to you, to your parents.
Fowler: ... did you search up roasts on Google just to make fun of me -_-

Wheeljack: People tell me that Unicron was the most annoying person in the universe.
Wheeljack: Soon, it will be me taking that place.
Ratchet: 'Annoying' is one word for it...

These suck and probably don't make sense but I'm like semi-delarious rn and can't make coherent jokes.
Hope you enjoyed.