Not A Temporary Love | Finley & Harlyn #1

Chapter 18

Harlyn

"I brought chocolate!" Francesca announces, waving a bag as she strides into Elly's room.

"Yes, babes," Elly exclaims, jumping up from her desk chair and meeting Francesca by the door. Polly comes in behind her, carrying another bag of two liter bottles of soda.

I stay in my spot on the floor against the bed, watching her. I'm grateful for Francesca and Polly for taking care of her, for becoming her friends. But I understood what she said the other day, about getting used to sharing her, trusting someone else to take care of her. It's what I was worried about all those weeks ago, eating lunch at Nando's and talking about Max and Finley. It's been my job for so long. Well, it's been the job I've taken on myself for so long.

Finley's observation that I'm not great at putting myself first has stuck in my head since yesterday. He's right. Mum has always said that I "do everything for everyone." I've always thought it was a good thing. I guess...at some point, it gets to be too much. And it's gotten me here, where I can't even think about myself without freezing, where it took me forever to even admit to myself that I like Finley.

There's a soft knock on the slightly open door.

"Hello?" Speaking of Finley.

"Oh, it's Elly, Fin," Max exclaims, pushing past him and bursting through the door. "She doesn't mind us just walking in, right, El?"

Elly bounds over and gives them both tight squeezes. "Of course not. Come in." It's tight, just as it was in our living room, but we all find a place. Elly and Francesca take the bed, Polly the chair in the corner, Max claims the desk chair, and Finley sinks to the floor beside me. "Who's playing first?"

Elly has Mario Kart set up on her TV, controllers at the ready. The three girls and Max claim the first turn, and Max passes the controllers around.

"When does it start?" Finley asks, leaning in to be heard over the game music and Elly's smack talk.

I check my phone. It's midnight. "Two hours."

"I don't know if I'll last that long," he sighs.

"You know, you keep saying you're a night owl. But I don't believe you," I say.

He rolls his eyes. "I am. I just didn't...didn't sleep well last night."

"Everything ok?" I ask.

"Oh, uh, yeah. Just...was thinking a lot."

"Was any of that thinking my fault?"

He smiles. "Maybe. All good thinking, I promise. Just a lot. I overthink things, as I'm sure you've figured out. And I've definitely over thought a lot in the last twenty four hours." He lays his head against the edge of the mattress. "So, if I doze off, just wake me when it starts."

I think about kissing him right here. I had all day yesterday, and I chickened out. Again. No moment felt right. But he's right there. His lips are right there. But so is Max. And Elly. And Polly and Francesca. I can't do it in front of so many people. Just the thought of telling Finley sends my stomachs in flips. I can't tell Elly and Max like this. Polly and Francesca would probably just be confused.

I turn back to watch the race, where Max and Elly are duking it out for first. Once again, I play a script in my mind.

Finley, we've become really close over the last month. And I've started to think of you as more than a friend. And I don't know what that means. But I can absolutely be sure that I like you. A lot. Ugh. What am I doing? I've told people I like them before. I guess it hasn't been this complicated.