Not A Temporary Love | Finley & Harlyn #1

Chapter 28

Harlyn

The train ride is silent, but in a different way than when we were going towards Paris. We're all very much awake. We got to the station just in time to check in and get on the train, so thankfully there wasn't any awkward waiting around on the platform. But now there's the ride home. Max is scrolling through his phone, making use of the actually semi decent Wi-Fi. Finley is just staring at his hands twisting in his lap. I put headphones in as soon as we sat down, and I've been pointedly looking out the window ever since I made eye contact with Finley twenty minutes ago. I don't know if I can handle another hour and a half of this, but I'm not about to be the one to speak up.

I know he didn't mean it. The look on his face after he said it proved that. But he still said it. And that meant that somewhere deep down, he meant it. At least a little. And it hurt. My words weren't any better. It was all around stupid and petty, and it shouldn't have happened. But after all these weeks of having my hopes up, of looking forward to us having some sort of future...it felt like a betrayal to not tell me. Even if he had just told me he was having second thoughts, and he wasn't sure he wanted to anymore. But...I don't know. He's right. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what's going on in his head. If only he'd tell me.

When we finally pull into Canterbury, it's dark. I grab my bag and hurry off the train before Max or Finley can stop me. I'm not in the mood to argue more, to do anything. I just want to be home, in a safe place, with tea steeping on the counter. But I've only turned the corner from the train station when Max catches up to me. I wait for him to say something, but he just walks along beside me, matching me step for step.

We make it all the way through the city and across the street from the library when I blurt, "You can defend him."

"Why would I do that?" he asks, his face neutral and tired.

"He's your friend," I mutter. "I just thought -"

"Just because he's my friend doesn't mean I don't know when he's being an idiot," he says.

I go quiet for another block, and I find myself defending him instead. "He didn't mean it."

"Still a shitty thing to say."

"His anxiety was really high all weekend. I'm sure it just slipped out. You saw his face. He was horrified -"

Max grabs my arm and pulls me to a stop. "Hey, stop." He fixes me with the most serious face I have ever seen him make. "It's ok to be angry, Harlyn. His anxiety does not give him an excuse to be a crappy person. He should never pressure you to come out before you're ready. Ever."

"But he hasn't," I say. "For weeks, he hasn't. He's been really understanding. It was only today. It was just the heat of the moment. I was being stupid, too."

"That doesn't mean he doesn't need to apologize. You both can. Just..." He lets out a long sigh. "Look, I'm sure he knows he screwed up. You know you said things you didn't mean. Don't...let this tear you apart, ok?"

I nod, and we keep walking. When we finally reach our street, so much relief floods my body that I want to cry. I almost just lay down on the sidewalk right there and go to sleep. But the lights are on in the house, which means Mum's still awake. And all I want is a hug and a cuppa. So, I keep going, finally entering the house behind Max. He toes his shoes off and goes upstairs. I don't know if we're ok. I don't know if he hates me. I don't think he does. But this is what happened last term, after Elly told Justin she didn't like him the way he liked her. He was cool about it at first, telling me it wasn't my fault. And then he was a jerk for three whole months. At least with Max, he'll be gone all this week at his great aunt's house and then there's only three weeks left before they go home.