Lessons (Karushuu)

Lesson 8

Gakushuu's Pov

The church bells ring early in the morning, that's our call to wake up, it's Saturday which means we don't have school.
It's Saturday which means I have "councelling".
Though it is the weekend, we're all to be up by 8, take a bath by 9, and be seated for breakfast by 9:30.
Nagisa was gone already, he must've gotten his home pass and been off. I can't wait to get my hands on mine, maybe if I return and beg my father to not send me back to this awful place, he'll listen-

He won't.
I have to take it as it is.

As awful as it feels, seeing other people go through it as well makes it a little less hard for me. Karma rolls out of bed and waves at me. I wave back puzzled, he's always acting strange with his gestures and words, but I can't help but feel captivated.
It's like a temptation you can't help but yield. Karma is mesmerizing.

Having all our privileges taken away, I have come to find that Saturday mornings are the only good thing about this torture.
Our dining hall is set in feast, it's a buffet, so everyone can take the servings they want, except - the kids with..eating disorders..
Which is quite fucked up, but that's not my problem is it?

There's various types of bread, bagels, cakes, tarts, sausages, bacon- you get the picture. Anything and everything you crave in the morning, is there on the table. I pinch myself to check if it is a dream but thankfully it isn't.

We say grace, and start eating. As I chew, I'm chewing down the feeling of anxiety I'm getting in regards to this "therapy session". I heard they give this to everybody though..not that I'm too stoked to know I'll have to talk to stranger about my problems.
Isogai is barely awake, which is understandable because Karma kept us up pretty late--

Partly, it was my fault.

I can see the brothers staring daggers into Isogais eyes from the opposite side of the room, he fixes his posture and opens his eyes wide to stay awake. He is someone who respects authority, he's smart, and he's going to get rewarded for it. On the other hand, there's Karma who is skipping breakfast bunking around god knows where. While resisting authority might give us a strong sense of self satisfaction, it just gives the person in power a longer period of time to exercise their strength on you.
It's a lose-lose situation.

I will follow the road charted out for me, or I'll get thrown off and lose my way.

Some people are free to go spend their holiday doing fun things like chOres aNd chRiStiAn choIr anD hAll duTy.

But I'm going to be at the mercy of the therapist today.

Surprisingly..

It was nothing like I'd imagined.
She didn't ask about my problems, she didn't ask how I was, didn't even smile at me.
For the first 45 minutes, I was made to fill out a form which had my name and details in it, she put it inside a folder and then played a few Joyce Meyer tapes.
Christian activist Joyce Meyer, although I find nothing wrong or right about the pastor, I don't see how this is relevant to my mental health. How will god help me heal and change if god himself is scared to step foot into this foresaken property.

She kept her eyes fixated on me, making sure I heard every word of it.

And I did.

But did they..change anything? No..
They were just words from a person on the other side of the screen, a person who doesn't know me and can't help.
Words don't matter when they're from the wrong person.

If I had known spiralling out of control and taking shots of ecstacy with a bunch of delinquents would've got me here, I wouldn't have done it. That day was especially hard for me,
My mother was out with her new boyfriend, who had a kid, who she'd rather be with, than her own son.
My father was mad because I had let him down over losing "3.5" marks in a math exam I didn't feel like studying for.

Maybe all these things were my fault?

But it didn't seem that way.. So I thought "fuck it let's do drugs--"

"Yer times up and you can go join the others at movie time" said my lovely councellor, who had been so helpful all along 😊.

Movie time.

Don't let that word get your hopes up, because I'm not.

16 students, 4 in each couch, sitting 1 foot away from each other facing a small screen tv watching some black and white film I've never heard about.
It was about how God will heal us and save us from sin,
If that's the case I hope he saves me from this place .
Karma wasn't there, as usual. Strangely I've started missing him. I long for nights where he'll wake me up and take me downstairs, but these days he's too tired to even stay awake. I won't say I'm worried but it does spark concern.

When I saw him at dinner, smiling, my concern faded away into content. We never know what's been painted over with a smile, if a smiles purpose is to portray happiness or to cover tears, but all I can do is believe the picture in front of me. That's what Karma wants me to see,
If he keeps pretending nothing's wrong, I'll believe it.
He eats to his heart's content, and the students in charge of the serving must've taken pity on him and served him well because he wasn't caught eating lunch or breakfast.

Alejandro made him sit beside him, and anytime the brother would look away, Karma would look at us and make faces to provoke us to laugh or something. Does he find this funny?
Well..I do.

I had to look away from the longest time, to realise that laughing was not permitted in the school for troubled teens, because happiness binds us together, and together we could escape.

That's a thought that has potential...

Or does it?

A/N:- okayy my exams are officially over, sorry for the long wait T.T , i had exams for 10 subjects all together in one month and it was a little stressful, and I couldn't get my mind to write :(
They ended today and I felt better :D
Hopefully the writing was worth the wait and I'll see you again very very soon <3

Much love, and best wishes for the week 🤍