Lessons (Karushuu)

Lesson 11

Gakushuu's POV

The church days were never pleasant. It wasn't the overusage of God, but the misrepresentation of him. Whoever god was, if he was or not, he wasn't a believer of forcing captivity onto others.

"Do unto others, as they do you". I haven't done anything to these people, or my father, and yet they do unto me like I'm some sin to be cleansed.

Usually..it wouldn't be..too much of a problem, usually..it would just sound delusional..but today.. we were having what was my first "Purity Conference"

"If you are not a virgin.." The pastor spoke, "you are unclean. You've sinned, and your God will never love you the same way again."

There's many types of sundays. Family picnic sundays, the day before the exam sundays, relaxation sundays, and yes even Chapel sundays.

But in no Sunday, did I ever expect to hear such words.

"You've dishonoured yourself, and your family."

What is this guy talking about? What does virginity have to do with God or school or me doing drugs?

"If you've gotten intimate out of wedlock.. you'll probably suffer for it..for the rest of your life.."

I definitely didn't have such a experience, but I could tell by the looks of some of them, they probably did.

The usual church ladies and staff was nice, but this particular staff was affiliated with our school. They were relentless. Who told them this was an appropriate topic for children aged 12-17?

Brother Alejandro was standing beside the pastor, stone faced. I wondered sometimes if Alejandro agreed with these.. "teachings" himself. He claims to be alumni, how old must have he been when he was brought in here? Was he brainwashed? Was he ever like us?

Will I end up like him?

Those were questions I wish I could ask but personal questions would only keep me here longer than I am due. He was quite young, barely 10 years older than I am. If in ten years, my fate is to become the shell of a person he is, I'd rather not live to see those ten years.

The topic of discussion- virginity, definitely struck a chord with some of my roommates, they all looked embarassed, but none guilty. That wasn't the case for Karma though, he was just staring at the pastor blankly. It didn't interest him as much is what I could conclude. This conference, was getting on my nerves. It was infuriating and absolutely demeaning, but "fortunately" for those "impure" people here..they could be baptized.. specially and be "reborn" again as a virgin.

"Raise your hands. Raise your hands if you've sinned. Raise your hands and wallow in the shame. Only then can you be saved, only then can you be clean"

I wasn't expecting anyone to really fall for this, virgin or not. I mean, who would willingly raise their hand to such a stupid--

But they did.

5 hands,

7,

8

14.

Fourteen hands were up, and I tried not to look to hard at their faces which reeked of guilt, and the misinformation that caused it.
Those fourteen students were escorted out and from what I can derive, they were baptized.

But the session didn't end there.

They spoke of abortions and how if you had any, you're going to hell and there's no saving for you.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, is this real?

Teenagers..all of these people children...- what choice do they have but an abortion?

Karma leaned against me and whispered jokingly "I wish my parents had an abortion" it was followed by a little chuckle - but I didnt find it funny. I moved my chair away for the sake of both of us, to not be reprimanded for interrupting church.

Karma had a smile on his face, but something about it seemed so unusual, it was like he's trying to force it up, but it's hurting his cheeks to do so. It's like he's only forcing a smile to hide the fact that he's not happy. I don't see the point in that, it only makes his discomfort more visible.

But then I remembered...

The hickies on Karma's neck the first night I came here...

The disheveled clothes he walks in with sometimes..

Was Karma not a virgin? --

No no, it's none of my buisness. I was glad he didn't raise his hand, it's good to not conform to such a crazy and ridiculous ideology. To be fair, Karma never conformed to any of the rules anyways, so I didn't expect him to this time either.

But.. Karma's my age..if he's not a virgin..who has he been doing it with? It's..so strange he wasn't caught..who's the other student..?

No,

Stop it Gakushuu.

It's Karma's buisness anyways.

I hope whoever he's doing it with..is atleast nice..Karma deserves nothing but that.

Did the conference get to him? He was sweating so sweetly, pretending like those words from the pastor were just for him to ingest and throw out.

He kept pushing his chair towards mine till I glared at him, and he pouted and stopped.

Finally after 2 hours which seemed to be like 2 days, I got up from my chair, and stretched out a little bit to join the queue led by Isogai, I turned to Karma and gestured him to follow behind me

And he did take that first step,

But before he could grab my hand

He collapsed.

A/N: hellooo, it's been a long long time! I got my national test results and they weren't too bad :) it's an A2 score whatever that means, and I got a 95 in my subject so that was nice I suppose. The reason I haven't been writing lately is there's been some conflict I've been facing recently, ever since my friend tried to do something irreversible (if you get the hint). I've tried to talk to them, and reason with them, but they refuse to accept my help, and they resist any logic. I've always been a very logical person and so when I see them not solving problems which can be solved, I feel helpless and a mental block kind of sets in. I couldn't really think or write and every thing I was doing I was second guessing and analysing a little too hard. The block is over, and I've regained my usual composure and I have just let my friend be. She's doing better now.. although she's motivated to live for all the wrong reasons, Atleast she's found a reason. I hope everybody's okay, and nobody was particularly mad about the late update. Just remember if you are going through something, it's probably not your fault, and if it is, you just need to find out why, and then fix it :) that's all. We can break down and categorise things mentally into good and bad, and put the good feelings as our priority, while being aware but not conscious of the bad things. There is this theme of psychology, "behaviour is caused" everything we do, was provoked by a variable in our environment. If we are acting out, then it's because of that variable. We can either remove this variable, or change the way it affects us. We can do so by distancing ourself from it and giving it less importance.
This paragraph might seem really weird and useless but I feel like it's very helpful, and if you ever need to, just use this theory.
Remember, there's a problem that has to be fixed, but YOU are NOT the problem. Please take care, and stay safe.
I love you, and see you soon! 🩵