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《Ananas》 To Seek the Truth

Review to AnjiLino

rebecca_batteur

Cover:
Your cover looks relatively basic. While you don't judge a book by its cover, seeing
yours might not be very appealing to readers. It's not really ugly and I can imagine you really worked on it and it's often quite hard to make a good cover, I myself don't have a lot of skills when it comes to cover designing. Yours looks too general and doesn't say much about the story you're about to read. However, I can qualify this statement by adding that I liked the font with which you marked the title, which stands out well from the rest. Its color goes well with that of the background and that's a good point. I'm guessing the two people sitting in front of the sea are Margana and Lino. Having read the story, I believe I can say that this scene resembles the moment when they find themselves in another universe for a day to rest. To try and improve your coverage a bit, maybe you could try using Canva? It is an efficient site and quite easy to use, I think.

Title:
For the title, I must say that it is intriguing. I think it is very well chosen and effectively
reflects what we can expect in your book with these strange universes where the main character evolves, all with the aim of obtaining the truth about what is happening . Also, I must add that I really like the name of the main character. It's original and I don't remember ever hearing it before. Is it related to the Margana moth species?

Blurb:
I liked your summary with this division between the first person and the thoughts of
Margana, then a short description of the story. I think this summary serves its purpose well. We get enough crucial information, as well as things that were not necessarily very clear in the story itself. However, I must note a few mistakes that make this summary a little less clear. I advise you to re-read what you have marked in order to correct these few typos which can disturb the reader who only discovers your story. I would add, however, that this summary shows a fairly good style, with a construction that is reminiscent of what a published book could have. This summary makes good use of the incentive function.

Plot:
The scenario of your story is original and offers good ideas, however I must make a few
remarks about things that disturbed me a little or displeased me. The beginning of the story introduces a machine that allows travel between the multiverses. I find that the way the main character is brought to use this machine is rather questionable. What really pushes this character to go to another universe? Does her daily life displease her or does she have a particular thirst for adventure? There is a great lack of information about her and this makes the reading a little strange and leads the reader to ask questions without knowing if he will get answers. What exactly does she plan to do in this other universe? Why is she going there alone? It seems to me that leaving for another universe is a rather impressive journey, so why choose to undertake it like this, without anyone with her, without really a purpose behind this journey and in such a relaxed way? Her fear of the unknown is briefly mentioned but it is not dwelled on further and I think there are not enough details expressing her confusion and her fear when she finds herself in a place where she wasn't supposed to end up in, of which she knows nothing and this, without knowing if she will be able to return. Also, throughout the story, she rarely talks about what she left at home. She quickly talks about her family, who she misses, but we don't really feel any fear of never seeing them again. We simply have this illusion where she finds herself and where she expresses her fear of being forgotten by her family. But after that, she never talks about it again. She doesn't seem to have any existence outside of the one intended by the plot. We know almost nothing about her, we don't know what she looks like, we don't know where she comes from, she doesn't seem to have any friends, or she never talks about them, we don't have any precision about her personality or things that could distinguish her from others. However, I can add a nuance to the point I have just explained. Perhaps this lack of information about the character is intentional because, throughout the book, we have the impression of diving into a dream, an ethereal and phantasmagorical vision, like a mirage. Thus, it could participate in this dream idea, with an almost anonymous character and with whom the reader could identify, becoming himself the dreamer of this story.

I can add that you are really teeming with ideas, with, at each event, a completely different universe that unfolds before us and original and interesting challenges with each time a mystery that hovers. The action is based a lot on the feelings of the characters and I liked this idea of the test which is activated or not according to their determination in a certain plan. I think the background of your story is very good but maybe you should rework the form a bit. I noticed you had a very steady pace, releasing a new chapter every day. I would advise you to perhaps slow down this rhythm of publication, which can be hard to maintain, to focus on the effectiveness of each of your chapters, taking care with the writing and the style."A good prose sentence must be like a good verse, unchangeable, as rhythmic, as resonant", said Flaubert, author of Madame Bovary. I understand that feeling you may have, with so many ideas and imaginations flowing through you. It is a real quality and your text, in itself, is pleasant to read, but I think it can be exploited even more to make an impression even better. Several chapters are sometimes a bit difficult to read due to poor organization. It is difficult to understand where the action goes at certain times and you feel disconnected from the story.

On a more positive note, I find that the material you present here is already of very good quality. I particularly appreciate the titles of the chapters, mysterious and giving a real charm and a particular atmosphere to your story. Plus, the titles of the many entities the main characters encounter, from "She" to "They" to "It" are truly original. Many elements are quite new, such as the different doors through which Margana passes, such as the door of light and that of darkness or even that of eternity and dystopia. However, I must say that I did not quite understand her choice to go through the door of darkness. She explains through her thoughts that she probed inside her mind and then concluded that she had to take the door to darkness but it is never explained what prompted her decision, why does she consider she belongs to the dark? Maybe a little more depth in your descriptions of the emotions of the characters would help to understand a little more what motivates them.

Characters:
Regarding your characters, I must say that they are intriguing and each have their own
personality. But, again, comes back my criticism of the lack of depth and precision. This is a problem that is also noticeable with the character of Lino, interesting and mysterious at the beginning with his knowledge of certain elements that Margana knows nothing about. But it is never explained where these informations are coming from. We have the beginning of an explanation at a time when they find themselves together in a universe with a beach and where Lino says that this is the universe from which he comes. Again, I had a hard enough time understanding this passage. Lino briefly recounts that it's a set of activities that everyone must complete and that they had never seen an outsider like Margana take part in these trials before. One can simply wonder who is this everyone that Lino is talking about, why he has to complete this series of trials and why did this weird game bring him home?

On the other hand, I appreciated the friendship and mutual trust which, over the challenges, is created between Margana and Lino. I think it is well built, maybe a little too accelerated but still good. I think that, to give a little more depth to this budding friendship between them, we could compare their relationship with those they have with people in their own lives, show how this relationship is special compared to the rest, and how facing danger brought them together in a unique way.

Writing Style:
Your style, as I said before, needs a little more work in order to make your narrative more
fluid and more accessible to understand. However, I really like this ambiance dream that you manage to put in place so well. There are good elements in there and some potential. But I must speak of a rather significant lack of description decor. One can only feel the marvelous side of the place without being able to see more. I think a little more description would help reinforce that whimsical feel to your world.

Grammar:
The grammar is relatively correct but I must, however, point your attention to the
mistakes in the tenses that disturb the story. During my reading, I noticed an almost constant alternation between past and present which makes the narration quite chaotic. You should try to correct that.

Personal Enjoyment:
I enjoyed your work and I think it really has the potential to improve. You show
remarkable originality and I will continue to follow your story. You manage to hold your reader in suspense. A bit of a rewrite would fix a lot of the issues I've been talking about.

Thank you for choosing me as a reviewer, I really enjoyed reviewing your book. I hope you didn't find my remarks unpleasant. Every work has flaws and it's part of the writing process to find them and always do your best to improve. Do not hesitate to contact me again if you have any remarks about the review I made.