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《Kailyn》VEILED DESIRES

Reviewed by Kailucy

"VEILED DESIRES" by Amaira_52k

Cover: 8/10

I like the Polaroid look a lot and the font is beautiful. Maybe think about enlarging the words though, so it'll be a little easier to read. I am a little confused on why that is the picture chosen, I don't really see how it fits the title or the plot but maybe I'm missing something.

Title: I do like the title a lot. It's catchy and it goes well with the story. Maybe think about not having it all capital though.

Blurb: 9/10

The blurb is good. It introduces Maya, the main character, and the love interests, Jai and Vir. It describes the plot without overdoing it and raises some questions.

Character/character development: 9/10

These characters are written so well. They feel real, some of their dialogue feels a bit dramatic at times, but I kinda of like it. I do think chapter four was a bit too much though. It was way too much praise and there was no proof of it. Not saying I don't believe Maya is a good person but I'd much rather see it play out through interactions than just being told about it. It just reads as character worship. That being said I am curious to see how the characters will develop throughout the story cause based on chapters four and five which were based on the past, it seems like they've already had some development before the start of the story.

Plot: 19/20

The plot is good but chapters four and five don't really flow with it. I do understand why they were added though so it's not a big problem. The plot is fast-moving and fun to read.

Chapter One: I like how you went straight into it. Also, that twist was great. I was not expecting Vir to be setting her and Jai up.

Chapter Two: gave more insight into Maya and her feelings.

Chapter Three: Okay so Vir does have feelings for her too. I wonder how it's going to play out. She asks Jai to give her time but it's marked as a love triangle. But right now it seems like she only has feelings for Vir. Unless I'm reading this wrong. I'm confused.

Chapter Four: this chapter wasn't bad, but as I mentioned in the above section, it feels a lot like character worship. I do like that it explains the past but at the same time you could always just sprinkle the past throughout in memories, or conversations instead. It kinda breaks the flow of the story.

Chapter Five: Alright so this gives more information on Vir, Jai, and their band. Once again it's an interesting chapter but like chapter four it kinda breaks the flow.

Writing style: 19/20

You have a nice writing style. I like the descriptions even though it is a bit over the top at times but it kinda adds to the story. There are a few times it seemed a bit redundant though but other than that I like your writing style a lot.

Grammar/spelling/vocabulary: 9/10

I didn't find many issues in this. In chapter two the first line is kinda confusing. Maybe take out the "Vir's best friend" part. It might make it sound better.

Enjoyment: 9/10

I did enjoy this a lot and hope to continue more soon.

Overall: 91/100

Overall, I like the story so far. I think you're doing a great job with it and I can't wait to read on. Maybe think about re-wording a few things but it's completely your choice. You have a wonderful writing style and a compelling story. Keep it up! Good luck on your writing!