Amaryllis | REVIEW SHOP [ CLOSED ]

《Azan》The Gunner and the Florist

Reivewer: FrostedForestFairy

Client: CrystalCallistral

Cover and Blurb: 9/10

The cover is really pretty. The contrasting colours will draw in attention to the book and they also work to emphasise the differences between the two main characters. The name is simple and straightforward but it's unique enough that it will intrigue people. It also highlights one of the main themes of the book (opposites coming together).

The blurb is very well-written. It hooks off the reader right away by mentioning the war. And then it continues to explain the world enough that it will make sense to the reader while also introducing the two main characters and how their lives cross path. The way the blurb ends is suspenseful so that it will make the reader want to continue reading.

Plot: 9/10

The plot is definitely interesting. It's a bit like the classic forbidden love/enemies to lovers but it has its own spin on those tropes. I did find some things confusing though. In the first chapter Lennox's mother says 'The Verita Aser is celebrating [Lennox's] father's return to their ranks' (paraphrased). I don't understand what you mean return to their ranks? Did he leave the Aser and then came back? It didn't make sense to me. And then someone named Adrienne was mentioned in the chapter where Lennox's dad came home? I'm not sure whom that's referring to.

Ren mentioned to be a ruthless killer. So it doesn't make much sense for him to spare Lennox's life multiple times and even lie to Mitsan to save his life when Lennox is a complete stranger. But I do understand that that's needed for the story to progress so I'm not asking you to change it or anything. I think it will feel more realistic if Ren's internal conflict over whether to save Lennox or not and why he did it were highlighted a bit more.

I do like that neither of the groups are ever portrayed as good and evil, rather they're both two groups whose interests happen to conflict and that's the only reason they're fighting. It really connects to the real world's morals in a way. The pacing is also good, it's not too slow or too fast.

Grammar and Vocabulary: 8/10

The vocabulary you used gives the feeling of it being a different time period (which is true because it's an alternate world). It's also consistent throughout the whole story rather than switching around a lot so that's good. I found a few spelling/grammar errors that I pointed out below.

"Get in da car." (chapter 5. When Lennox is talking to the chaffeur). I think this one is quite self explanatory.

"Why won't he respond? I know I'm not funny, but I should still get a reply. Did I bring up some trauma of some sort?" (Lennox's thoughts on Ren in chapter 5). The word 'some' seems repetitive. I'd delete either one of them to make it flow better.

"It's a side effect feeling like shit." ← (chapter 10 when Ren is smoking in the bathroom). An 'of' in missing between effect and feeling.

"After that statement, Lennox staggered to feet, swung back his arm with all the strength he could muster, and punched Ren in the face." (Chapter 7 towards the end). It should be "Lennox staggered to his feet."

World Building: 9/10

The world building is actually quite good. It resembles the real world in a lot of ways. The world is consistent and does not have any plot holes that I've seen. It's obviously been quite well thought out and paid attention to. I don't have any criticism for it.

Writing Style: 9/10

The writing style is very good. The information is spread throughout the book rather than being an infodump. And the story's progression is written well. I also like that small things are planted beforehand sometimes and then elaborated on in later chapters.

Overall:

I will be honest, I read the book a few months back but ended up procrastinating on the review. So I reread it this time again just in case you had made any changes and also so I could give you a good review. I noticed that you've changed a few things about the overall plot. For example Ren being forced to go to Lennox's house as a girl being changed was a very good decision. And the language was changed a bit too, I noticed which made the book much clearer than it was a few months ago. So that was a very pleasant surprise while rereading.