Beneath The Flies • 《 Levi × Reader 》

《 Chapter 20 》• On Which I Now Stand

《 Suicide Charge; Continuation of The Memory》

To be human.

I never thought it meant living your life till you're sent charging to your inevitable fate with nothing to rescue you from the hellacious scythe of death that permeates your very existence. I never thought it meant falling cold under the breath of your demise rather than embracing the warmth of your birth.

I thought it meant loving the way your skin feels when it's still alive, to be proud of the brain that pilots your faith and body, to be so infatuated with your beating heart that equally cherishes the person it belongs to so dearly. I thought it meant to feel things with the hands you were blessed with.

I thought being human meant to live, to breathe, and to see the world with the pair of eyes each and every one of us were given as a gift from the benevolence of Mother Nature.

But oh,

How wrong I was...

Because in this world, being a human did not mean those wonderful things.

Being a human meant to fight.

Being a human meant to give up that heart and place it in the hands of the reaper, to watch it wilt away as it weeps eternally for its holder. Being a human means to die and to yield to that hole in your chest and submit to the superior beings.

Titans.

We would never adorn the crown of victory on our heads when we couldn't reach the one already on theirs.

We were to be trampled like ants.

To be human;

To live, to die.

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《 Chapter 20 》• On Which I Now Stand

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I was not afraid to die.

Rather, I was afraid to leave behind the things I left sitting unfinished in the back of my mind, and perhaps, my heart. I was afraid to let those things collect dust as maggots swarmed through my decaying display of guts, leaving me nothing but a stiff corpse on the battlefield with no motives left to bring me to my feet.

My horse carried me through the blistering winds, the breeze whistling past my ears. My face was dull and emotionless, focused straight ahead as my hair was pushed flat against the frame of my head by the heavy gusts of wind.

A death charge.

A sacrifice that would open up an uncertain chance for the Captain to strike down the formidable Beast Titan.

I could feel the last ounces of hope encircling the sections of frantic soldiers around me, their forefingers clasped around the triggers of their grey flare guns, the barrels reflecting the sallow sunlight.

Their faces were blanched with fear, and yet contradicted by the surging belief that maybe, by some chance, something would save them from the predestined door of mortality they were charging into full speed.

I was not afraid.

I was just another unfortunate selection for the grave.