《 Chapter 22 》• Outside Your Door, Standing In Silence

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I hadn't poured myself a glass of wine in quite some time.

The rim of the olive-green bottle clanked against the cup, a luminary sound echoing weakly through the Mess Hall. The red liquid swirled around in the middle, settling contently soon after, staining the glass it touched. I lifted the cup fancily, imitating the way I'd once seen a royal do, with the pinky straight up.

I chuckled to myself, already feeling tipsy despite the fact I had not yet consumed the alcoholic substance.

Then I sighed, setting the cup back down, unable to rest my lips on the reflective cup and swallow the first drowning sip.

The idea of getting drunk bored me, like the effects of a stale cigarette. 

I had once been a heavy drinker, someone who would always walk around the halls with the scent of mead or beer on my breath. Usually not wine though, because it was more expensive.

But years ago, I'd dropped my immature drinking habits.

Even though it would temporarily numb my pain, I disliked allowing myself to hide behind the slim mask of drunk lies.

I wanted to feel the pain.

I wanted to remind myself all the horrible things I'd done, and even though I now realize they weren't all that bad, In the past I was blinded by my heartbreak and wanted to put the blame on someone.

First it was Levi, and then it was myself.

And even though we had cleared that up, I still felt a little woozy as I did most nights.

And I thought to myself, one drink can't hurt, right?

Right. So I picked the glass up and took a large gulp, shoving the liquid down my throat.

"Whew..." I wiped my lips and exhaled deeply. I'd forgotten how it felt to take the first drink. It was almost exhilarating, in a way. My fingertips tingled with thirst.

So I drank some more.

And some more.

And more.

And...

More.

And then I was a mess.

A drunken, stumbling mess.

My face was hot and clammy, my eyes droopy and relaxed. Wine never really affected me badly in the past, but it's been awhile.
...
And I drank a lot.

... A lot more than average.

I was on my feet now, shuffling down the aisles of abandoned tables and out into the hall, almost crashing face-first into Hange, who was entering with the kids behind her.

"Woah!" I laughed out, clinging to the wall of the doorway to steady my feet. "Didn't see you there, maybe I'm the one who needs those glasses." I placed my index finger on the bridge of their glasses, feeling heavily induced by relaxation and giggles. I was tired, but sparky.

The flushed pink of my cheeks gave me away.

"Hey there, [Y/n]!" Hange grabbed my shoulder and helped me away from the wall, my eyes on the floor as I watched a ball of dust roll across as the breeze created by Hange's feet brushing it away. She stepped closer to me, gesturing with a tip of their head for the kids to head in.

"Go on without me, I'll meet back here after I get this drunkard to bed," Hange ushered them inside, hands on my back, pushing me onward. I shot her a menacing look.

"Bed? Who said I wanted to sleep right now? ... I'm enjoying myself."

"Clearly," Hange humorously replied, navigating me through the halls. "But you look like you're going to collapse at any moment."

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