Nova

Let go

It was completely silent after Vulcans outburst. My body on the otherhand wasn't silent at all.

My heart banged against my chest, so hard I thought it would pop out any second. I could hear it pumping. My blood went cold and for the first time in my life I could say that I was frozen. The only part of it that worked was my eyes.

While it was quiet in the room I scanned my so called family members. Mom and dad had entered just as the last hurtful words where past over to me.

"You should've never been born."

"No one wanted you."

"You are a result of rape."

Dads mouth was slightly opened while he tried to say something, but his throat moved, showing that he literally swallowed his words. He looked ashamed. He kept open his mouth but no words came out yet again.

Mom didn't meet my eyes. I couldn't care less about my dad not saying anything. At least he managed to look me in the eyes. The thought of my mom not wanting me in the first place made me sick. No anger or sadness, just disgusted.

It is said that a girl is supposed to be angry at her mother in her teenage years. Mom always said that it was just how it was. But I was never angry at my mother. In a household full of boys I needed her in my corner. She was my rock in this family.

To know she didn't want me at the beginning, and kept me because I was an obligation. It hurt. It hurt so fucking much.

My eyes met all of my brothers. Well obviously not everyone.

Everyone had tears in their eyes. Especially Phoenix. Why him? He had always been empathetic towards everyone. He hated seeing anyone sad. He would do anything to make me laugh when I was crying. He made me feel loved. But was that all a lie? An act? Fake it til you make it way of thinking.

My foggy state sobered up. Slowly I took a deep breath in, exhaling a few seconds after.

"Nova. Let us explain." Mom took a step forward. She reached out for my hand. I wasn't subtle when I hid it behind my back. She wasn't getting what she wanted.

The feeling of my stinging eyes was slowly coming back.

"Is it true? You didn't want me?" A sob slipped my throat. My vision was blurry once again from my watery eyes.

"We never said that. We love you so much, baby." My dad walked over to where my mom was standing. They weren't close to me, but closer then my brothers.

"That wasn't my question. Where Carina supposed to have an abortion?" My voice was slightly heightened.

Mom looked at my dad with sad eyes. My dad looked my mom with the same sadness. They didn't have a right to be sad over this. They had no right.

"Answer me!" I yelled. This got the attention of everyone in the room.

"Yes, she was." My dad stated.

I straightened up a little. I was taking aback by his bluntness. But I asked for it.

"Now, did you actually want me or did you feel obligated?" I nodded towards my parents.

"Nova, we didn't know what to do in that situation. We weren't planning on adopting you, no. But doing it is the best decision we ever made." Mom once again tried to touch me. This time she tried to cup my face. I slammed her hand away.

"For fuck sake. Stop touching me." I seethed at her.

"Don't talk to your mom like that." Dad said. He had always had so much authority in his voice. One single world from him and I would always stop what mischievous thing I was doing. He still had it in his voice.

Normally he would give me the voice and then tell me why what I was doing wasn't okay, then he would start tickle me, because 'he could never stay mad at me for more than a few minutes at a time'.

This time the voice wouldn't cover it.

"No. You can't tell me what to do anymore. I am so sick of abiding by all of your rules. You two lied to me. You were supposed to help me feel safe and loved. Ever since I turned ten I knew something was up. I felt like an outsider. You made me feel like an outsider. I guess I was. No one really wanted me to be apart of this family." My sobs increased. My heart slammed against my chest.

"That's not true. We love you. We love you more than you'll ever understand." My mom cried. Her beautiful eyes where covered in mascara.

"The way you lied to me. You may love me now, but it didn't start that way. I was an obligation. I was the reason your only daughter left. Vulcan was right. Even if it hurts so much. I know it's true. A family bond starts with love. Ours didn't. You probably resented me in the start, just like Vulcan does now." I sobbed and sobbed. My throat was drying out and my legs felt wobbly. I had to keep standing.

I had no one to lean on right now.

My dad stayed silent. He only looked at me. So did my brothers.

"Don't say that." Mom had sobered up at my words her tone was harsh.

"It's the truth. Isn't it dad?" My attention was on the man who had claimed to love me my whole life.

Mom looked at him too. "Markus. Tell her it isn't true." Mom pleaded with my dad.

Tears streamed down my face as I waited for an answer from my father. "I love you, Nova." He said before he shook his head in embarrassment.   Answering my question with that little shake.

"That's what I thought." I started my to walk out of the room. Before I had a chance to stop it someone grabbed my arm.

"Nova, please let's talk about this." It was Orion . He hadn't said a thing while I talked to my parents, or when Vulcan yelled at me. Why do he think I want to talk to him now.

"It's nothing to talk about." I looked him in the eyes, I could see his eyes soften as he took in my tear stained face. "Let me go."

"You're mad. We don't leave a room while we're mad." His soft voice said. It was the way you talk to get a toddler to understand you.

"Well, if that's the case we won't be leaving this room in a very long time. I am mad, even livid about this. I have all right to be." I continued my attempt to wiggle my arms out of his tight grip.

"Let go of me!" He did. I just had to yell at him before he did.

......