Nova

Why I left

There was a long pause after every short answer. Nova kicked the pebbles that laid on the ground. An act of boredom Carina thought.

"What about a boyfriend? Do you have anyone special?" Carina asked, her voice held excitement as she tried to get the young girl to converse with her.

Nova gave a shrug as she continued to kick the ground.

"A shrug as in you don't have anyone, or a shrug as in you don't want to tell me?" Carina continued she really wanted to get to know the girl, but she was stuck. What else could she do?

Nova didn't answer to that. Again, the pause came. This was the longest pause out of all fifteen of them.

Curiosity got the best of Nova when she realized that the pregnant pause had been held for way to long. Had Carina given up?

She looked up at her and saw that she was mesmerized by the lake they were sitting by. They where sitting on a wooden bench. Nova had made sure to make space between the two of them. It was enough space to let a grown man sit down in between them. People who walked by wouldn't even think they where together if they hadn't been talking once in a while.

"This was the first place I came to when I moved here. This was— still is my 'thinking' bench." Carina filled the silence with words she had been dying to say to her daughter for so many years. She had always dreamed of the day she would be sitting on this exact bench with Nova.

Nova sharpened her ears, she couldn't help but feel intrigued by Carinas words. Could she finally get an answer to why she left, why she hadn't contacted her.

"I was a little younger than you when I moved to Italy alone, without knowing anyone. It was scary. I couldn't speak the language and the culture was extremely different from the one I knew in America. I would cry my self to sleep every night. I missed my parents, my brothers and friends." A small tear fell down Carinas face. She wiped it away quickly before she turned her head slowly to get a glimpse of the girl sitting next to her.

"I missed you. I missed you every second of the day. And every time I got too overwhelmed by the fact that you weren't with me, I came here. I would sit here for hours on end, just thinking about you." Carinas eyes turned glossy, her chest ached thinking back on all the times she have cried on this bench.

Carina faced forwards towards the lake again, her voice turned raspy. "I would fantasize about you. How you were doing, what you liked to do, how your voice sounded. Sometimes I would allow myself to fantasize about how it would be if you lived here with me. If I had taken you with me—"  

"Why didn't you?" The voice beside her asked, it was monotone, almost as if what Carina had been saying didn't mean anything.

Her head snapped towards Nova in surprise, she didn't expect her to participate in the conversation. A sad smile overtook her surprised expression.

"I was only sixteen at the time, I couldn't take care of a baby all by myself in a different country. Leaving was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I knew you would be safe with mom and dad." Carinas voice cracked a few times. Pathetic. She sounded pathetic and she knew it.

"Then why did you leave in the first place? You could've stayed. Stayed with your family. You could've stayed with me!" Nova felt the anger she had build up all day resurface.

Carina sucked in air. Novas voice was low, so delicate and full of emotions. The all to familiar lump in her throat returned. She had to be strong for her daughter, a few tears she could let out, but not a sob. That would make her seem like the victim, and she wasn't. Carina was tired of playing the victim. She had been doing it for so many years.